Doing this in the name of love...would it be crazy?! (Iightheated)

[User4701]

Had no idea what to put as title! Obviously it’s not a love situation and I’m not totally deluded.. although when you read on you might question my sanity!!

I’ve been online dating for about 2 years. I have met a lot of people who wanted to progress things with me but I’ve bever been that interested. About two weeks ago I spoke to someone on the phone and it was great. I like him a lot...bearing in mind we haven’t yet met!

So here goes...he lives 220 miles from me...about a 3.5 hour drive. We must have matched when I was working in his city, which I do every couple of weeks. I stupidly said I am in his city next weekend. He then suggested cooking for me at his place, or meeting for lunch if I preferred. I don’t know why I said I would be in his city when I had no plans to be...!!!! I think I wanted to fish for an early date as I knew I was away for a few weeks after the weekend and then we wouldn’t actually be able to meet for a while. I am going away for three weeks after this weekend (holiday) and then he is away for two when I get back. So I want to meet him before I go.

It’s gojng to cost quite a bit to drive or get the train and obviously it will take up the whole day just to spend a few hours together. I’m aware we could meet and there could be absolutely nothing between us. But then I also don’t want to be messaging and building up a meeting in my head for weeks on end.

I could tell him I’m actually not in the area...Again I know it was stupid to have said this in the first place! But I know he has plans generally over the weekend so he will be unable realistically to come to me. I don’t want him to think I’m coming all that way for him either so want to maintain that I’m generally in the area.

I usually do the bare minimum to meet someone as I have little interest and whilst I would never go and see him without him also making the effort, I feel like I want to do this in this instance. Is this crazy?!

Have you started a bazillion threads in this?

Don’t go to his house, that’s just daft.

If you’re not going to see him for 5 weeks after the date it sounds like a non starter.

I don’t know how I mananged to start so many threads...how do I ask to delete the extra ones?

Think it’s something weird with the website, have seen multiple posts on other threads.

For what's its worth- I met my husband online and we did long distance 3.5 hours train/4 hour drive for 4 years from a late Friday evening until Sunday afternoon until i moved closer. We saw each other every 2nd or 3rd weekend. Married nearly 11 years now.

I think that’s more like the response the OP was hoping for Kanga!

Why not just tell him your work there has been cancelled that weekend so if you came, it would be at your cost.

Why can't he cancel some of his plans to meet you half way perhaps? If he is as keen as you he will make the effort.

I'm just not sure I would go to all that expenses when he's clearly having to fit you into his schedule that weekend. Maybe if you tell him you're not working there now, he will make the effort.

I personally would tell him that the meeting got cancelled but should be back there in about a month and just carry on chatting. You've nothing to lose.

Trouble is, if you pretend you’ve done something work ish before meeting him he is bound to ask about it. Then you will be giving off a shifty vibe for no good reason.

I could do but I’ve not mentioned the trip yet as it’s not come up. I think he would be fine meeting after I was back though. I just know what I’m like and write so many people off that I’ve realised it’s best to meet sooner than later. It does feel a bit excessive though

Yes carrying on chatting may simply be best!

I’d tell him what you put here, you didn’t change your city on the site but would like to meet this weekend. Write it in an endearing I’m a plonker way, he’s reaction will either be laughing with you (a good sign) or at you (bad sign)
Nothing to lose right?

Agree with meeting sooner than later. Often with OLD you can msg back and forth but don’t ‘click’ irl. Sometimes you waste time talking back and forth

I did suggest I might find it tricky to meet and he said to let him know but otherwise we could re arrange.

So I’m almost certain he’d just re arrange and then I’d explsin it would be in a few weeks. He’d also be fine with that I expect. He’s very laid back.