What do you do about miserable/needy friends?

[DirtyDennis]

I'm going to sound like a complete cow here.

Basically, I have a friend who's downright miserable. She has, at every stage of her life, taken very active and brave steps to do what she's set her heart on. But each one of these seemingly positive steps leaves her miserable with the situation (i.e. the situation she's very carefully crafted for herself).

We meet up every month or so for lunch or a drink. We seem to spend the whole couple of hours with her complaining about whatever thing is making her most miserable, and me suggesting solutions that she always has 100 answers as to why the solution wouldn't possibly work.

It's not just draining, it's actually boring and really selfish. She asks about me (most of the time) but I'm a pretty happy person so I just generally say I'm fine and that's it. I'd like us to just chat about what we've been up to, where we've been, what we've watched on TV but our get-togethers seem to end up as quasi therapy sessions for her.

I'm starting to distance myself a little bit but just wondering if others have had similar experiences and how you handle this.

That's a shame. In that case all you can do is hold your boundaries and not jump into the role of consoler/problem solver. And decide whether you love her and want her in your life or if she is too draining and bringing too little to the table.

I had a friend who over the years became more and more hard work...till I cracked. He rang me on Christmas Day, having spent 2 hours on the phone with me Christmas Eve pissing in my ear about his ex. I provided advice and sympathy only for him to want to spend another 2 hours Christmas day rehasing all the shite he had nit picked about the day before.
Boxing day I sent a text saying, that for the sake of my MH, I had to block him.
I am bipolar. I have very, very difficult times...not once did he ask how I was. So it was was a fuck off from me and that was that. I felt no guilt in doing it. He just gave no shits about what his endless drama and neurotic introspection was doing to me.
That does not constitute a friendship.
And I had tried to manage him, but he was oblivious to boundaries so I had to cut him off at the knees.

I agree with Rhubarb. You're making it last longer by suggesting solutions. People don't usually want answers, anyway - what they want to do is to have a moan. If you want to remain friends with her, what I'd do is let her moan, but just say things like, "Oh dear, that's a shame" and "That must be hard for you" etc. Never offer any kind of solution, or make any kind of suggestion. If you do that, she will run out of steam in the end, and then you can talk about something else - and she will probably feel better than usual, because you haven't offered solutions.