I want to rant a bit and then I have a question whether this kind of behaviour could mean difficult times for me if we would have children.
My live-in partner needs a lot of time together. Just doing whatever, me and him together. I like to have some alone time, too. I mean, not with hobbies or friends, but just to be at home in silence without him being there. He knows it, we have talked about it several times, he has made promises that he will find activities outside the house. He never goes anywhere alone. I guess I have already used to the situation, but it actually makes me mad inside sometimes because I really need it and he just ignores it. I feel bad telling him to go out, because there is not to do out alone, right. There of course are things, but he seems to find an excuse every time. To be honest, I am afraid of asking even, because he has used many passive-agressive tactics before, so while it seems these tactics have ended, I still worry these things might happen again so I'm actually avoiding.
Secondly, I'm getting fed up of the fact that it seems like he is only really interested in going out and doing things (strolls, travelling, concerts, museums, just sitting outside you name it, just anything outside the house). If at home, then he has not much drive in doing anything besides sleeping, watching TV, cooking and playing videogames. He comes home from work and if I'm not home, he just sleeps for a few hours and then watches TV. If I'm home we talk and then we watch TV or go for a walk. If I do my own things at home, he just watches TV or plays. But the point is, I love to do home decorating and some renovations whenever possible. Currently, I'd really need his help. But even more, in my mind this is also a quality time together to plan, do and later enjoy what we have done. However, when I bring it up he is all about yes, it is wonderful idea. But then nothing happens. I have to constantly remind him and tell him that we agreed we would do it. He won't talk about or do anything related to these ideas on his own initiative. Only when I specifically tell him. He knows these things are important to me and I love to do those things. During week, when I tell him I'd like to do this or that now, he says his tired or not now or whatever and I sometimes do it alone and sometimes not at all. When he agrees to do, he gets tired quickly and I usually end up doing it alone. When he talks about what to do in weekend, he never brings up those things that need to be done at home, those things that I would love to do.
Besides home-things, I have tried to find other activities to do together instead of walking around the city each weekend because I get tired of it, it has become so boring. I'd like to do something with a purpose or goal, also, together. Like going to dance classes together, or reading a book together, or doing some courses together, or taking up a hobby together. He is always on board, yes, it is a good idea, very interesting. He comes along with me. But the moment I have a bit of lack of motivation or do not remind him or something comes up temporarily or whatever, then the activity just fizzles out, because he shows no interest or initiative regarding it anymore and I feel like I just pressure him doing these activities.
Recently I fell apart a bit when I was stressed cause I had a lot going on at work and friendships and told him through tears that I need him to help me plan things (do not remember the topic), but the point is that he himself suggested that he will be responsible for one renovation plan we have talked about for months and even made some preparations so that I would not have to think about it. He did draft a plan a few days later as he promised, nice. But it has now been a month and he has said absolutely nothing regarding the plan. Yes, I had busy two weeks during the time and I see that we could have not done anything then, but the past two weeks have been not busy. So I'm just waiting when will he start discussing the implementation of the plan. I do not want to raise the topic, because then the idea of him being responsible for it would be pointless. I really like to plan things also, and I think it is necessary also when you have children. It seems he is not keen on planning.
OK, enough with the ranting. What I wanted to ask is.. we have talked about starting a family in the future. But I'm actually getting worried about the fact that based on his behaviour I think I might be in trouble with children with him. I mean based on his behaviour it seems like he struggles committing to "rough work" and lacks consistency (not sure it is the correct word). I mean, with children you must do all kinds of things you are not that keen, right? I'm worried that all the difficult parts of parenting would be mine and he could just enjoy the good bits of going out and having fun there.
I see a number of very good traits in him - firstly the same thing that he likes to go out and do all kinds of things (however, not sure how much would he like to do it with children..); secondly he is cleaning and washing up and cooking and is capable of doing it on his own initiative; he is caring towards me - whenever I have like pain or tough time he is understanding, does more than his fair share in the house (chores); does not pressure me to have sex or anything. Seems pretty decent man and reading here how bad can husbands behave, I feel actually silly complaining about such issue...