Not sure about how I’m feeling.

[Zofloramummy]

I’m just coming up to 18 months single. Since I was 16 I’ve been in relationships and I'm now 43. I’ve had 6 months, and 18 month single in the past. I’m a single mum and have an 8 yr old dd.

After the dust settled from my last relationship ending I’ve realised that I’m quite happy on my own. I don’t seem to have much of a libido and the lack of a sex life isn’t really an issue for me. I miss having an adult to talk to and someone to shoulder the burden occasionally when life is tough. But I realise that I don’t want to sacrifice my independence. I’m concerned about how any future relationship may impact on my dd, my home and choices I make.

Is this it? Should I just accept that I am ok on my own? We are so programmed to seek the happy ever after that I feel defective somehow. I don’t need a male in my life, I recently dealt with some large holes in my walls, painted, papered, cut and fixed skirting boards.

I guess I thought by now I might be feeling like I would want to try dating. But I don’t have any inclination at all. Anyone else feel like this?

Also aware of how gendered my thoughts about a male role was! 😆

I agree. The pros of a single life outweigh the cons for me. I'm enjoying it and can't see that changing.

Oh and I used to have a libido I’m just not sure what happened to it. It went on holiday 6 months ago and never came back. I suspect I’m peri menopausal and am awaiting blood results.

Oh thank god I’m not alone!

I'm a year single and having a blast. I don't want a man at the moment. That may change in time. I do have a FWB that I see once a month or so (live in different countries).

I've always been in relationships so this is refreshing and much needed. Im 46.

I wonder if partly its biological, I know I won’t have another child now at my age. Therefore the drive to mate isn’t there any longer. I’m more interested in furthering my career and possibly doing another degree. I’m also really focused on being there for my dd and being the best parent I can be.

I think I've just realised how much a partner impacted on my life. When the relationships weren't good, I was very unhappy.

I love only thinking about myself. Being single means I am not influenced negatively by a partner's issues/moods/faults. Wish I'd realised how freeing it is to be single years ago.

I did have an OLD profile but couldn't be arsed with it. It's very liberating to be happy on your own. I don't see it changing any time soon because I'm making no effort whatsoever to find anyone.

That’s the crux really of how I’m feeling @windmillwhirl I don’t have to compromise. I don’t have to think about someone else’s feelings, needs and preferences. I can eat what I want to, watch what I want to. Not worry about spending an evening reading because it’s antisocial. It’s incredibly liberating.

What got me thinking was my dd saying to me the other day that she thought I should get married so I wasn’t lonely when I’m old. I thought to myself I’d rather be lonely than unhappy. Then I started questioning how much I had compromised over the years for partners and realised I just don’t want to do that again. Common perception is that if you are single it’s because you haven’t found ‘the one’, or because you are lacking in some way. Choosing to live a single life doesn’t seem to be an accepted option!

Finding or hearing alot of women in their 40s are single. It seems like either they were too career driven and are now finding themselves alone a d childless desperately searching for someone to settle down with
Or have separated/divorced from partner they were with from 20s/30s
It worries me in both aspects

I absolutely understand the growing old alone thing. I've heard it too, but I've seen plenty of miserable old couples.

I have a very wide circle of friends, which I'm sure plays a factor in why I'm not overly bothered.

I have some friends in very unhappy and unhealthy relationships. They are hanging in there hoping things will change, putting their happiness in someone else's hands.

I can't see myself being with anyone for a long time. I certainly don't want to live with someone either.

It took a while to adjust to only thinking about myself, but I love it now.

Why worried?

Oh I agree, if I were to enter a relationship it would be a together but living apart arrangement. I am a home owner and I don’t want a relationship to fail and I end up losing my home in a divorce. That’s my security.

My home is my castle. I love it and love that it's all mine. My ex lived with me, so he moved out when we split. I am thrilled to have it all back to myself. I got lots of new furnishings and it's perfect now. Perfect for one

I decluttered, changed the sofas and redecorated. Still got a few rooms to go but I know what you mean it’s lovely to have your own space

Oh yes, I decluttered too. How cathartic that was. I think being comfortable with singledom for me is a sign of maturity. I hated it when I was younger, but I'm very comfortable in my own skin now and where I want to be in my career.

It's great to be able to say life is good, especially when I never thought I'd be able to say that as a single person.

I feel like I've found the secret to my happiness. Long may it last!

There are so many threads on here with some pretty awful relationships and I read them and feel empathy and relief that I’m free of all that angst.

Same. It's heartbreaking what people put up with/go through.

There's safety in being single. I can't get hurt/let down by a partner if I don't have one.