Single parents - how do you deal with holidays without dc?

[Mycatatetherat]

Just that really. Single parents whose co-parent is absent or shit. Do you take holidays without dc? If so, where do your dc go? What do they think of you leaving them behind? What do your family (or whoever is looking after your dc) think?

I've had a really tough couple of years. Dc's dad is almost completely absent. I adore my kids but desperately need a break. I used to do loads of travelling so feel confident travelling alone. I feel just 10 days apart would be good for all of us. But I'm getting kickback from my relatives who think I'm being selfish and irresponsible. What if I die, they say?

If the children are beyond babyhood and you have willing childcare then yes. Mine go their dad's but my parents would have / have had them for a couple of days. Not sure they could manage a week but that's due to their health not anything else.

Not sure I understand the 'what if you die' thing. You could just as easily die driving to work or something. In short, you are not selfish or unreasonable to want / need a break at all. If you can go and how long for 100% depends on the childcare situation.

Lone parent here.. 2 dc's 16 & 7....2 dads.. 1 is around sporadically & the other not... have done holidays abroad just me & the kids they were fab.... would love a holiday with friends & no kids I know my mum would move in & look after them willingly & the kids would love it but just not a financial possibility right now.. I say go for it if that's what you want to do... I'm sure a break would be beneficial to all parties .. I know it would do me the world of good.. I'll keep doing the lottery 🤣

Look at Nielsen holidays. They have excellent kids clubs with qualified staff. My kids don’t want to leave the kids club because they love it so much. That way you get a holiday together, but you get a break too.

How old are your children .

My Ds is 12. Dad is absent completely since 3. I am going away for 2 nights in a couple of months would be first time I have gone away without him. He has had weekends away with cubs / scouts etc .

I don’t think I could leave the country as no one with pr in the country incase something happened to him not me.

I have not got the option to do that, as dd is always with me, but thinking about it, I do actually have the "What if anything happened to me?" fear. In theory though, it sounds lovely and if you want to, go for it. I certainly would not think you selfish, everyone deserves a break.

I've done a few holidays without my children in the 4 so years I've been single. A couple of times exh has taken them for a long weekend or a week (averaging 5 days a year, so not massive!) and I've gone away. Twice I've had family look after my children (not ex) and I've had holidays away - once with a group and once with a boyfriend. I found the break so beneficial. I've also had a few long weekends scattered around - easier if the ex H's weekend falls on a bank holiday.

I really don't think it's selfish - like you I parent pretty much alone. Work full time and just get absolutely worn down by the sheer relentlessness of it all. A holiday with children is lovely, but it isn't really a break.

I'm looking at doing something alone (thinking a cycling or yoga holiday) later in the year this year. I'm also child free at Christmas and think it may be less depressing to go away somewhere rather than sit in an empty house

Just been for my first child free break - had to wait till the oldest was old enough to leave alone at home (19!) and the youngest went on a week long school trip (14) - I managed to get 6 nights away - bliss.
But it was my first chance in the 5 years of being a single parent as ExH does not bother to see DD now and never had her for more than 1 night when he did.
Not sure I will get another chance unless I can find another school trip. Nobody to look after the youngest and though I trust the eldest to be home alone the youngest would throw a party for 200 people and totally trash the place. Suppose I wait for university!

I have taken my kids on holidays before and, while absolutely lovely, they are categorically not a break!
Glad to hear I'm not considered selfish outside of my family's little bubble where I should martyr myself to my dc.

I do have childcare, my mum, sister, various friends have all said they'd do a few days. But at the same time they're saying I'm crazy because what if I die??
I could drop dead in the next 5 mins...I don't understand that argument.

That's ridiculous, you could die anytime, anywhere, that doesn't even make sense!! Unless you're talking about spending a week shark diving with no cage what difference does it make where you are?

It is completely normal and reasonable for parents, single or together, to go away without their kids. My parents went away and left me with relatives and I loved it, it was a holiday for me too! And I am now a very independent and secure adult. I have to say IMO the parents who martyr themselves and insist on never leaving their kids aren't actually doing them any favours in the long run.

Go for it OP!

Thank you for the encouragement! I've been away alone for the odd weekend before and it's definitely a holiday for my dc too. We all come back together refreshed and excited to see each other.
I suppose my difficulty is that the people who are providing my childcare are the disapproving ones. So as I'm handing my dc over there's tutting and shaking of heads, and "but what if..."

The what if you die thing is odd.. I'm sure there's just as much if not more chance of dying in a freak accident in this country but then every time my mum goes on holiday she gives me the "now you know where my will & all the paperwork is kept don't you" chat!! It is really quite irrational & should not be a factor in your decision,

Depending on the age of your children, if you take holiday without them what do you do in the school holidays wrt taking time off? I get 25 days holiday a year - that wouldn't even cover the kids 6 week break in the summer....

Is it the lone travel, or the type of holiday, or country you're planning to go to, that is getting those responses? Seems very melodramatic.

I want to go to Thailand, I've been before. My mum has a tendency to think I'm going to die wherever I'm going...

I imagine they’re worried because of the type of holiday you’re taking. Alone and to Thailand sounds risky (even though I’m sure you’re a responsible adult and won’t end up in some The Beach style nightmare!)

Maybe you could suggest something a little closer/less scary sounding and see if that helps?!

FWIW I’ve been on a few holidays without my DCs. I go with my DP of 7 years and they stay with their dad. Often it’s 7-10 days but sometimes just a long weekend - you totally deserve a break and it really does help you to appreciate what you have all the more when you get home!

I’ve done India, Italy, the US, North Africa.

I know the DCs worry less when it’s somewhere in Europe, as it sounds more familiar (and closer too!). I know logistically it would still be a day to get home from anywhere abroad in case of emergencies once you’ve sorted travel etc so it doesn’t make a huge difference.

I just wonder if a European holiday would be seen as more of a “mum needs a nice break” thing rather than “mums gone travelling to the other side of the world and might end up murdered in the wilderness or banged up for drug trafficking” type thing! (Apologies I know Thailand is probably beautiful etc, just trying to see if from a worried parent/child perspective!)

Definitely not selfish!

In this case being a single parent really doesn't differ from being a couple, surely? The children stay with grandparents or close friends while the parent or parents are away.

I will say most parents don't get to do this much, usually only for weddings, hen weekends etc. Maybe your kids are older? I don't know anyone who gets to go on a proper holiday without their young children, if I'm honest.

A side question, how did you deal with holidays alone? I have adult DD's and h announced he was leaving me recently, I want a holiday, any suggestions???

You've all reassured me that it's not selfish so thanks for that!
I'm self employed so can take the time off and it's not my dc who worry, they've done loads of travelling with me so know I'll be safe. It's the older relatives of mine. I suppose I just have to suck it up and live with the disapproval. Or not go.

Di it I went to Thailand last year left my 10 year old for 2 weeks it killed me but had great time and I payed for him to go away with his nan and grandad for week so he didnt miss out either. Cant do that now though as I've got 3 month old and single with no family support. Thailand is amazing ul love it.