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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Who should reach out after a fight?

13 replies

WhoWhooooo · 11/06/2019 06:13

I know this is a stupid argument and any comments of the 'grow up' variety will be met with sage nodding and sad agreement. But here I am and wondering on which of these two people the onus sits to reach out? What do you think? If it's on me, I'll do it. But I don't want to pester someone if they don't want me to either. It's hard.

Person A: Starts an uncomfortable online conversation with Person B about their friendship. Person A tries to change the subject after saying what they want to but Person B won't let it go. But they talk it out and eventually agree to park it and move on.

Person B: Immediately asks person A if they want to meet up and suggests a time.

Person A says they are busy at the time suggested and makes up a stupid lie about where they will be instead.

Person B finds out it is a lie and confronts person A, saying "I don't see the point in us being friends if things are going to be like this"

Person A says: that's fine, don't contact me.

Person B says: I over-reacted, but I did that because you lied to me, and now I'll leave you alone.

And that's the last we were in touch. I know we're both knobs. But based on that where do you think the onus sits to reach out, on A or B?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 11/06/2019 06:29

The person who wants the continue the friendship.

LynetteScavo · 11/06/2019 06:31

FWIW person A has been the bigger duck and if I were person B I wouldn't bother reaching out.

littleyellowwellies · 11/06/2019 06:37

Person A sounds like they want out.

donquixotedelamancha · 11/06/2019 06:53

Are you A or B's mum? What year are they in?

Tell your DD to put it to one side and just ask the other one over to play. Not going to be good for her to grow up with this 'other person should make the first move' rubbish.

FiveStoryFire · 11/06/2019 06:54

I think the onus is on A but it sounds like they don't want to continue the friendship.

category12 · 11/06/2019 06:55

I don't think either should reach out, it doesn't sound like their friendship makes each other happy.

Beechview · 11/06/2019 06:57

Person A doesn’t want the friendship anymore so best to move on.

DontCallMeDaisy · 11/06/2019 07:06

I think it depends on what the issue A had to begin with and whether it was justified bringing it up.

From this description I can't see what B did wrong. Friend A brought something up and IMO it's fair enough for B to want to discuss it.

A was obviously unhappy with the resolution. They should either call it quits or A should speak up.

B could always be the bigger person though

WhoWhooooo · 11/06/2019 08:05

Thanks. I’m B and this thread has made me think I should leave A alone for a while. I didn’t mean it to escalate but just felt so hurt when she started the conversation then lied

OP posts:
BookofJudith · 11/06/2019 08:11

These guys and these guys only

Quartz2208 · 11/06/2019 08:13

What did you friend say in the beginning online about your friendship

ChristmasFluff · 11/06/2019 08:34

It sounds like it's better for both A and B that this friendship stays ended.

ChimesAtMidnight · 11/06/2019 09:37

BookofJudith spot on. Grin

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