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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No Love

3 replies

Anon345 · 11/06/2019 05:18

Just wanted some advice and support really. I just feel so sad and don't know what to do. I feel completely lost and hurt.

My partner tonight told me he doesn't love me. We've been together 6 years. We've not been the best for a while and been arguing now and then over really petty trivial stuff. There's been odd times in the past in which he's treat me like absolute crap and I'd say he talks to me like crap on a regular basis. Anyway tonight I asked if he love me (shouldn't ask questions I don't want the answer to!) And he said no. Later on he says he doesn't know.

Our sex life is non-existent. He's rarely affectionate with me or gives me undivided time and attention. He'd prefer to sit and play a game on his phone than talk to me. Recently he hasn't even really supported or cared about big things in my life. He's very very lazy and I do the brunt of childcare, housework, organising etc.

We have a 2 year old. I think he loves her and will want to see her if we split. I work part time to balance childcare with income. He is the main income earner. We're not married. The money I do earn means I won't be entitled to any benefits but I know I won't be able to afford everything on my own! I think the reason we've stayed together so long is money, as it's tight with two incomes never mind on my own. I can't bear to lose my house I've done it all up pretty much singlehandedly as my partner refused to help and really don't think I'll find anywhere cheaper (100K house on mortgage, no houses for less than this in my area really)

Atm he does overtime which makes up his wage and if we split he will move in with his mum and he's already told me will do the basic hours meaning I'll get barely anything child maintainance wise. He knows this and knows I will struggle.

I don't understand why he's been so spiteful and cruel. I've not done anything horrible to him and he blames me for how he feels 'you annoy me' but I really don't do anything. I have asked him for examples of what I do but he couldn't give me any, 'I just do'. Despite cleaning up, doing all his washing, cooking his food, doing home improvements, looking after our child. I suggested he was depressed in the past but 'he's alright with everyone except me'. He's never there for me emotionally, tonight when he told me he didn't love me and I started to cry he couldn't care less. When I'm upset he doesn't care.

If I wanted to he'd be quite happy to live like this. Him just getting everything done for him and doing what he wants. Almost like room mates. I know I owe it to myself though to split up and hopefully have a chance a future happiness. I just feel so overwhelmed and sad.

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 11/06/2019 05:26

Yes, living together as house mates sounds ideal for him. Without any of those pesky emotional demands.

You do deserve better than this love, and so does your DD.

Money wise you have a few options, but I'd suggest speaking to your family before doing anything. You need some RL [hugs] too.

Anon345 · 11/06/2019 05:33

Thanks my mum and dad have just left to go on holiday today and I really don't want to ruin her holiday so I'm alone until she's back. I've got no-one else to talk to. This is her first holiday in years and years.

My family will support me as much as they can but there's no room at all in their house as she is a carer for my grandmother who has severe dementia and I have you get silblings who still live at home (4 bed, 7 people), she's got loads on already. They would support me as best she could financially but they're struggling themselves. I know I'd always have a sofa and food though. I have the best parents.

OP posts:
Anon345 · 11/06/2019 06:59

I could even do with stories of people who've made it out the other side. Right now I just feel like no-one is going to love me and I'll never find anyone again as a single parent.

This morning he's talking business as usual like nothing has happened. I feel my resolve weakening

OP posts:
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