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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I the one with the problem?

4 replies

KmarieB · 10/06/2019 23:28

So I'm 5 months pregnant with my first child but sadly, things haven't worked out with me and my partner of 3 years. Things were always quite rocky between us but we got through it as best we could, that was until a few months ago when I discovered he wasn't all I thought he was.

To paint this clearly, we had recently settled 3 hours from where my family live after deciding it was a great place to live and we were close to his family which was a bonus for him. We were struggling somewhat financially though after he couldn't land a job but rather than talk to me about it he kept it to himself and one day he left me a rather distressing note and took off. I came home after work to find it and in a blind panic and unable to call him I called his sister who came round right away to figure out what was going on. It was this night that I discovered my beloved had been straight up lying to me for 3 years. Not just a few little lies but tons! About his childhood, what his family did, his first job, his father who he said was dead but is infact very much alive!! He even told me he owned numerous properties and that he could drive when he'd never even got his license! A gambling problem came up too at one point and I just did not know how to process all this information. All that time he had been hiding who he really was and I felt so betrayed, i had given this man 3 years of my life and now I'm carrying his baby and he couldn't just be honest with me!? The worst part, I never even got an explanation or a simple apology for any of it. I left a few days later and moved back to be with my family. Months have passed and he still tries to make me feel bad for walking and things have got worse and worse between us, and his family it's like they blame me too!? But I don't know what I did wrong? I don't trust this man anymore, how can I?? My question is, have i acted too harshly? Am i wrong for leaving a bad situation because i wanted to do what was best for me and my baby? How do I even make things right with someone who can't see what they did wrong?? Sad

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 10/06/2019 23:32

You haven't done anything wrong. I don't know how you can put things right or even if you should but you're having this man's baby so keep the lines of communication open. However you must make it clear that it's over between you, keep strong.

Singlenotsingle · 10/06/2019 23:36

No, you haven't acted harshly at all. If it didn't happen now, it would happen further down the line so you've saved yourself a few more years of heartache. And don't think of it as 3 years wasted. You've got a baby out of it, or you will have soon. Just draw a line and move on. Things will get better.

AsleepAllDay · 10/06/2019 23:37

You did something right, in leaving a man who lies about even the most tiny thing

broken1982 · 10/06/2019 23:51

I'm not even sure how he got away with a lot of those lies for three years with you Confused

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