Psychological Disorders and Absent parents

[Nipperless]

I was hoping someone could help me, a couple of years ago my ex partner told me a word I'd never heard of. It was to describe the effects of growing up without parents. I was given an Asperger's diagnosis about 5 years ago.. because my behaviour at the time was out of order, I know it was and the reason why.. I don't know if I fully agree with the diagnosis, I thought PTSD.. as what I originally hoped for was a magic pill that would somehow make me feel normal, just being in the world.. I guess I had your typical upbringing for the 1970's... an oft' violent, drunk, gambler who liked to terrorise us all.. sexual abuse commited by a relative/baby sitter.. my mother was obviously affected by this too but I had to leave her to her own mental health issues.. for which I recall the police having to deal with on occasion.. I think between the violent gambler and predator relative, her mind became unstable.. it's been almost 20 years since I spoke with her.. 30 years since I saw my father... much like the other sibbling I occasionally have contact with; I don't feel any impetus to contact them as I know this would not help me, probably the opposite.. however selfish that sounds.. I would say this has had predictable outcomes on my ability to form healthy relationships.. to be fair, the older I get the more reclusive I'm becoming, which is definitely one way of avoiding negative interactions.. I will socialise when forced to bit usually powered by excessive amounts of booze (don't worry, the apple fell far from the tree.. I'm neither violent or a gambler.. the only person I hurt is myself.. well a crying ex may wish to contest that.. but to be fair her adult child is partly at blame too but i was always doomed arguing about that.. admittedly I can have quite the nasty tongue..)... Anyway, as you can see, under the surface.. I wouldn't consider myself normal.. above the surface.. I'm well educated and probably over paid.. but the reason I asked the question, is because I would like to better understand/ read about how other people in the same situation coped with life, especially males getting past their thirties.. searched for an hour this morning but every post seemed to be regarding the effects of absent father's.. not both.. but especially anyone who can help with the disorder I've tried to explain, parentless upbringing Vs Asperger's.. thanks for reading.

You are best off looking up academic books concerning mental health, like the type a mental health nurse would read.
I read a fab book once called why love matters. There are so many things to learn about childhood development, attachment, family relationships etc before you can really understand your past.
That being said, I've read so many books I've also been on meds, but at the core I think childhood trauma leaves damage that seems impossible to escape.
It impacts so many aspects of adulthood.
The most important thing to do as an adult of childhood abuse is to look after yourself. You have to show yourself the love, forgiveness, patience etc that no one provided for you as a child.
It is a challenging journey.
I wish you all the best

Thank you both and I think you're right Poppy, I've always had my head inside text books.. I don't know why it never occurred to switch the technical ones for mental health (as daft as it seems). Also agree with the looking after thing, even if not hungry.. eating when feeling down makes you feel better.. just not gorging on burgers and ice cream.. 'Look after yourself' are good words to have as a mantra of sorts..

Always remember that the latest research shows that early childhood emotional neglect causes irreversible brain damage. It is often seen in adopted children who were neglected in the early years (including babyhood) sadly "love ISN'T enough) for their brains to rewire themselves.

That's just too confusing, to make matters worse (or not) I was born with hemiplegia, which is caused by brain damage..it only affects one side.. leg mostly.. I'm guessing prenatal cytomegalovirus in my case (this is why I requested my medical records because I wanted to know what happened from day dot, there were recorded incidents during birth).. perhaps the bits of my brain that would have been affected by trauma were already damaged.. who knows, I like to think the brain does as its owners will.. I thought infant brains were able to grow to compensate the damage..

• no recorded incidents..