Advice about my friend

[shallowval]

If you're friend was treating their partner badly and they asked you opinion would you be honest or would you say not my business and stay out of it ?

I'd be honest. Assume she's asking because she values your opinion. "Sounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses". From Proverbs.

Wounds from a friend.... Sorry.

Means if a friend speaks the truth and it hurts, you can trust them. They're not just trying you what you want to hear all the time.

Tell them, you can be sensitive how you tell them but I would point out serious flaws. May need to be told what you see that makes you feel they treat partner badly maybe.

Well is your friends partner smashing her/him in the face? Or just being rude

sorry I read that wrong.

very difficult. Ultimately I'd support a famility menber.

If he or she (the friend) is objectively in the wrong and she’s asked for your opinion then, IMO, you should tell him or her the truth as you see it.

It’s not like you’re volunteering your opinion - they’ve asked for it. Be truthful.

Yes, I would and I have.

No violence . My friend is a lovely person but is with a partner who allows herself to be walked all over which he does liberally. I am torn as he is my friend but she is young, vulnerable and desperate. I feel sorry for her but he is my friend not her , so it is not my business . I find it to be against my beliefs to nod and smile when he talks about his exciting and busy life that she fits in to at his bidding .id rather stay right out of his affairs but that makes me a bad friend

If explicitly asked then I would be honest. I would deliver it as tactfully as possible though

Tell the truth, your friend could be blinkered by depression or being influenced by someone who is looking after their own interests and causing the issue.

He is not doing anything wrong as he has been honest with his need for his independence. She chooses to engage .it still sits uncomfortably with me . I have been that girl in my younger years and came out of if a mess

Sorry but I'm a little unclear is he actually asking you do you think he is being unfair to his partner or are you assuming that from what he tells you about their relationship and life and wonder should you tell him because you think he is

It's difficult to explain. He is asking advice about different areas in the the relationship eg how he should cope when she is being demanding? How he should react when she asks for more time with him? He considers her to be needy but tbh he has been honest with her in that he likes his independence and a relationship for him is important but it does not trump friends or hobbies . He says he really likes her but his actions do not show this. He is unintentionally fitting her in to an already busy life where everything else comes first . My thoughts are to let her find someone who is more into her if she wants more , knowing that he is so independent and she wants to get serious fast .

The fact that they've asked your opinion means that they are conscious of what they are doing. It seems that they are checking you out to see if you feel any less of them because of the behaviour. Ask them "what do they feel about the way they are behaving towards this girl?" "do they see it as abusive?" if not then I'd be moving away from the friendship.

But why is his behaviour abusive if he’s actually been honest to his gf?

If he’s said to her, “I am sorry but this is it, either you can live with it or you’d be better finding someone else” then that’s not abuse.

Unless, OP, you feel he’s stringing her along and taking advantage of her consciously? In which case, if he’s asked for your opinion, you need to tell him.

I do not think he would ever hurt her intentionally. He knows she is desperate to settle down . He know she is head over heels in love with him and drops everything to be with him at his whims . That's why I'm torn . He has told her the truth but likes being in a relationship for a whole lot of other reasons . He knows that many women will not be prepared to tolerate many of his behaviours . God knows he has tried and they all leave him in the end. She will. He knows this and it seems that he just enoughto keep her sweet and hanging on. It breaks my heart for her . She now is like an object of pity to our friendship group but he is not a bar person. He would never cheat or be abusive

It's not either/or though is it Pater? It's possible to treat someone badly, without actively meaning to or knowingly. In this case, simply by knowing they see you as their long term future but you not feeling the same way.

OP, on reflection I think I would have to tell him. In the kindest of terms. Perhaps something like "She sees you as her long term future, but you see her as the short term present."
You could then tailor the reply to the person, e.g. "You don't want a nother bunny boiler!!" (hate that phrase but needs must)

Thank you. I don't want to hurt him. I just do not want to get involved in any way so I'd prefer if the topic was of his relationship didn't come up. He knows my thoughts from long ago but I have been quiet since as he ignored my opinions and advice when asked .
Am I a shit friend?