Mother has decided to cut contact with me

[Flamingosnbears]

I'll try and get as much as I can into this thread...
I have always had a difficult relationship with my mother she has three Daughters two of which have a different farther to me and are alot older one she cut contact with over an argument when I was around 10 years old and the other is a drug addict however she can't see any wrong in her she became guardian of her two children and is very much active in her life. Our relationship pretty much became difficult shortly after the guardianship I was in high school and I felt she sort of stopped being interested in me I moved out when I was 17 with my Boyfriend who is now my husband and worked hard ever since I'm currently a full time mum to our 3 darling children including my newborn, she has never been that interested or involved in all the big Mile stones in my life including her Grandchildren which hurts me deeply and embarrasses me as my husbands parents and family are very loving and caring. I feel rejected through no fault of my own there's honestly no reason to have decided not to be in contact with us we were supposed to have her round yesterday to meet her new grandchild however she announced that she wanted to cut contact... She has always let me down and never provided any emotional support or real feeling of a mothers love but at the end of the day she is my parent I don't know what I want from getting all this out I suppose some advice on how to accept and move forward. Thanks for reading

She’s attention seeking. This is supposed to be your special time as the mum of a new baby. Everyone is supposed to be rallying around you and give you attention. The only reason for announcing no contact is jealousy. I suggest you respond very blandly. She wants you all to start jumping around and focusing on her. Reply with one word “OK”. Then leave it. It’s impossible to win or reason with people like her.

Yep just say ok and ignore her.

My mother gets funny everytime attention is on me. My wedding was great fun . I let her get on with it with absolutely no attention at all, good or bad.

It's a jealousy thing as pp have said. It's sad, pathetic and really not your problem.

I'm sorry man, it sucks for you though. You really are better keeping her at arm's length which is a shame as mothers are supposed to behave differently

Well, she sounds like a sorry excuse for a mother. I think she has already shown you many times what sort of person she is.

The bad news is that you have been very unlucky in having her for a parent. You deserved much better.

The good news is that this means that her cutting contact with you is likely to be a blessing rather than a curse. You are actually much better off without her in your life (and your kids will be better off without this type of person in their lives as well). In this case blood really isn't thicker than water.

I agree with previous posters who say you should just respond "ok" and leave it at that. And when she changes her mind (which will probably happen just as soon as she reckons she can get more attention and drama that way), then I would still continue with the no contact. Otherwise you are just setting yourself and your kids up for more hurt.

It's tough on you, but she doesn't deserve to be in your life

@mybeebop @gamerchick @GinoPlaysTheTango I'd just like to thank you all for taking the time to read and reply its interesting to get an outsiders perspective. You've helped more than you know 😊

She is being nasty and attention seeking. You don’t need someone like that in your life when u have just had a baby. If she can’t put your feelings first at such an emotional time she is just selfish and doesn’t deserve you your children or your love. 💐

When your M announced she was cutting contact did she not say why and did you not ask why?

I can see this is very unpleasant for you but I don't see how just saying 'ok' and having no contact with her is actually going to help. PPs say she is just attention-seeking (and she may be) but there isn't much actual evidence to say that is the case. Maybe they are letting their personal experiences colour their views.

Your mother hasn't had a great time with 3 children by 3 men ( so obviously split up with those partners), needing to cope with a child with addiction issues and take in guardianship of grandchildren. It's been tough for her as well as tough for you. Maybe she just couldn't cope with it all.

Do you know what you really want? Would you prefer to be in contact but in a much better relationship with your mum or do you actually want no contact?

What have you got to lose by telling her how you've always felt and how you feel now about her absence from milestones in your DC's lives? Why don't you have an honest deep and meaningful chat - the worst that can happen is that there is NC afterwards. The best is you could sort stuff out and massively improve your relationship.

You felt abandoned by her (and I have experience of feeling like that) but maybe she also felt like that when you left at 17.

Thankyou @user1498572889 your right.

Creating this thread has helped me realise what I've needed to for such a long time it's been so draining and exhausting over the years but this time I'm starting to realise I don't need someone so negative and detached from reality in my life.

@Idontwanttotalk thanks for your reply she has 3 children by 2 men still with my Farther but I left him out of this thread as she tends to control him if she's not in contact with me neither will he, yes it's been hard on her I'm not denying that but you surly can't just turn your back and have no contact with your children over disagreements? She hasn't really been interested in anything in my life made no effort to come to ours if I've arranged anything she cancel last min or make an excuse why she can't. I've tried talking and telling her how I feel and it goes in one ear out the other and takes no responsibility for any of it.
At this stage I feel I can accept no contact.

My mum died when I was a teenager and I tried really hard to have a relationship with my nasty selfish dad. He to would arrange to meet up and cancel at the last minute then call and be really nasty. He even managed to be nasty and sarcastic to people at my sisters funeral. I didn’t speak to him for over 20 years. When he finally died not one family member went to his funeral. It’s far too emotionally exhausting to put up with people like that in your life.

Let her OP
Don’t react and just don’t contact her
She is as others have said a sorry excuse really . You deserved better

Thanks everyone really appreciate the advice