How to get over heartbreak :(

[WigwamPumpernickle]

Can’t believe I’m actually going to post this but here goes.

I feel so pathetic, my partner and I split up seven months ago after a three year relationship and I can’t seem to get over it. I’m usually such a strong woman but I have been crying constantly and I’m ashamed to admit even begging him to rekindle things.

I’ve tried seeing friends, dating other people but nothing feels the same and I’m just left with this empty feeling of loneliness and miss him desperately.

I’m so ashamed of myself for feeling this way and not just being tough and getting on with it, plus I must have made myself look so pathetic to him.

I’m in my late twenties so time is on my side for now but I just feel like nobody else will ever love me and I’ll never feel the same about someone else .

Sorry for being so self indulgent, but I just had to write it down.

I'm really sorry you feel like this. Why did you break up? Is it that you feel you haven't got 'closure'? Was he your first long-term relationship?

He just fell out of love with me, I suppose we argued a lot before we broke up.

I’ve had other serious relationships before but nothing that hurt like this one I guess it hurts even more that he’s just carrying on with his life as if nothing happened whilst I’m here feeling like this.

Oh no it's horrible isn't it - you're doing fine, you've gone through the weepy waily stage and come out the other end, of course someone will love you again, you know you're loveable.

A million curses on him! (He might be really nice, but you know what I mean)

Just get on with your good self, he'll recede. It didn't work out. I would advise no men for the time being though

It is a grieving process and you have to go through it - there is no over it.

You have to feel all the things that you are feeling, otherwise you are just bottling them up and not dealing with them. That doesn't mean you have to wallow in self-pity but you do have to give yourself permission to admit that you feel really, really sad about the end of your relationship.

It sounds as though you have been trying to distract yourself, without really acknowledging the hurt and pain & it has come back to bite you in the arse. So, why not go with it and let yourself feel all the sadness and then it will be easier to move on from it all.

Ive been there and it just takes time - good days and bad days then you suddenly realise you’ve had more good days. See it for what it is , a kind of grief. Keeping busy is the only way. I exercised a lot; lots of music helped me and i kept really busy and it just got better. Now looking back I’m really glad my exh dumped me for a bunny boiler, life is so much better now!

I saw a counsellor who helped me work out what i wanted in life. I was in mid 30s and wrote a list! Years later i found the list and ticked them off...

Do things that make you feel good - go to a concert, have a spa day, get hair and nails done! Perhaps plan a holiday- an adventure or something exciting. Theres a world out there - you’re young - who knows who you might meet...

If it helps - I'm in the same boat!
My relationship ended 7 months ago too, and I'm afraid to say I'm not over it.
I have done just as you have - been out with friends, flirting with/paying attention to other guys, lots of drinking (!), hair done, exercise... you name it!
I think the hardest thing to accept, is that some relationships coming to an end effect you more so than others.
It is a process, and you will go back and forth between the stages until you are finally out the 'other side'.
Don't beat yourself up. I think it just shows you that your feelings were sincere, and the importance of the relationship to you. Some things are still worth hurting over.
Please now try to go 'no contact', so you can give yourself some space.

I highly recommend the Baggagereclaim website, and books by Natalie Lue.
That lady really does talk sense, I'm currently re-reading 'The No-Contact Rule' as I've recently fallen off the wagon.
But I've also found it helpful for reflection, and understanding my feelings about the break up.

Big hugs.

I find exercise helps a lot because if I exercise I sleep better rather than lay awake thinking and if I sleep well everything is that bit easier

It’s back with a vengeance tonight

It’s a year since I split with my ex - he was an utter knobber when we were together and yet I was a wreck up until Christmas I would say, and then I would still miss him and think about him, but it was infinitely easier. This past week I’ve discovered he has a new Thai girlfriend 40 years younger than him, and whilst it hurt, it’s been like flicking a switch for me and I have lost all respect / want for him.

Things that worked for me was keeping busy with stuff I couldn’t use my phone for - swimming / exercise / cinema etc. Block him on all your social media so you can’t peek what he is up. Read “it’s called a break up because it’s broken”

I also tried (god I sound desperate!) hypnotherapy and reiki to try and get him lit my system. I think though, that all you can do is train yourself to think of new things. Actively stop yourself mid thought and try and turn it around. I would recite the alphabet in my head or count to 100 to try and stop my brain from going there.

Good luck, it feels shit but It will get easier

I’m here too OP! Absolutely devastated 4 months on and wondering when life will feel wonderful again!

Thanks for the replies, it’s horrific and I just want it to get better, made worse by the fact I’ve heard rumours he’s now with someone else.

Me too. Miss him so much.

I think we need to start a club so we can dig ourselves out of this

5 weeks in for me. Cannot stop crying.
So much regret.
Barely got out of bed this weekend.
Have no motivation to do even the most mundane of things, haven't cleaned, been to the gym.
Cannot sleep and when I wake up in the morning when the light hits after drifting off say 2/3am, I just get hit all over again by what I've lost.

From someone who has been there, it does get better, I promise.

Go no contact and try and avoid any gossip about him. DEFINITELY block on all social media. You don’t need to see that shit.

Open yourself up to new experiences and people.

Reconnect with old friends you might have lost touch with.

Look good. Keep/get in shape, be grooomed etc Not at all for him...for you, it’s a wonderful confidence booster if you can look your best.

All really cheesy advice but it worked for me. It was hard but I had to force myself out there.

The person who suggested reciting the alphabet.. this is genius! I am absolutely going to steal it!

Oh I know the barely got out of bed feeling well! I just need something to dig myself out of this

I suppose I am scared I’ll never be loved again or have another partnership where there’s so much love between us, and I hate going to bed every night on my own

I've felt this way two times and I promise it's just time that makes it better, less present in your thoughts and less of a gutpunch. I used to think oh FUCK OFF when people said "time is a healer" but it really is true.

You're having the worst bit now when it's not freshly happened so the adrenaline has worn off and reality hits - I totally understand and not minimising how shit it is right now but there's light at the end of the tunnel I promise

I’m just struggling to get through the time

Me too Wigwam, I am wishing my life away in the hope that I can stop feeling like this!

I no this is an old post and i hope your heartbreak is oved.. but am going threw this right now.. keep breaking down infront of my kids its awful x

adooran
I’m sorry you’re going through similar.
This is an old thread, I’m sure you will get support and amazing advice if you start your own