I am nc with my dm. Have been for years. She walked out when I was young, leaving me with my abusive df. Eventually I was fostered. She didn't want to be pregnant with me, didn't bond well. She was a bit of a narc. When I lived with her briefly at 20yo I thought about suicide I was so miserable but I left again - once & for all. She wasn't supportive when I married although she was brilliant when I gave birth the first time.
I'm in a therapy group. When other people hear my story they're HORRIFIED.. When I see & hear their reactions I'm gobsmacked. In their faces I see the reflection of my dm as a monster. Somehow I've lost that. How can I see my dm as others see her? Even my therapist said 'NO WAY' & that it's next to near-impossible my dm will ever improve - even a tiny bit. Somehow I've lost connection to the bit of me that used to feel so hurt & betrayed.