I have just read a very poignant (and nerve touching) post on a friend’s Facebook. It was a Psychological post which said: Raised in a household where you were constantly emotionally neglected? Chances are you turned into an attention seeker and a people pleaser. People who are too nice to you and want to love you are a turn off to you. They feel foreign and you immediately reject them. Instead you are attracted to emotionally unavailable people. People who you have to cater to. Because that is the only type of love you have ever known.
This is a summation of me and the relationship patterns I have had. Any man who was ever really nice to me made me feel repulsed. I tried to have relationships with nice men, but found it impossible. And so I chose to be with my long term partner who is a narcissist, probably gay but in denial, and who has blown hot and cold (but mainly cold) for 15 years. I know I choose to lead this life with my partner but I have been trying to get the courage to leave him. However, after reading the Facebook quotes, i am wondering if it is worth trying to meet someone else because I will probably just be faced with the same issues. If I am honest, I also am an attention seeker and constantly try to get approval from men. This is not the sum of me however, I have many girlfriends and am a kind person and a good Mum. I have had a lot of counselling over the years but it hasn’t really solved anything. Has my brain been hard wired by my past? Am wondering if anyone else has overcome this kind of psychological issue in the past? And if so, how? Thanks for reading if you got this far!