Does anyone else hate their birthday?

[birthdayblues31]

I'm a regular but have name changed. It's my birthday in a few days and once again, I'm in a bad mood, miserable and down at the thought.

It has nothing to do with getting older. I'll be 31 so no age I know. It's the whole just wanting to ignore the day. I only have a two friends (who don't know each other) but I'm teetotal so "out out" is just not on my radar and I know if I suggested coffee or something they'd pull a cat's bum face so I just don't do anything to celebrate.

I'm exceptionally close to my parents so my mum usually does dinner at her house which is lovely but then I just think how sad this is, spending my birthday with my parents and kids in my thirties.

I'm married (our relationship is stale but that's a whole other thread) and we have two children. He's already bugging me about what I want. I said I would like cash but he and his parents have something against monetary gifts.

I guess it's an annual reminder of how mundane my life is. How unsocial it is. How much of a hermit I am (I do work full time). How uncool/sad I am. Does anyone else wish they could just skirt over the whole birthday thing?

I should add I love celebrating other people's birthdays and always decorate the house with balloons and banners, think really carefully about meaningful gifts but I hate it for me.

Can I make a suggestion?
Why don’t you plan a day for yourself, be it by yourself or with others?

I now have a group of close friends who know my birthday and know the drill: I love celebrating on the day, just a coffee morning or afternoon tea, open house, come and go as you please, come for a slice of cake and a coffee.

It hasn’t always been like that. So one year I celebrated by taking myself to London and seeing an exhibition I wanted, by myself. It was great!!!
Another year I booked myself on a day calligraphy course.
Another year I went to a bookshop, chose a book, had a coffee and a slice of cake and spent some time this way.
I had my colours done, went for a facial....
Ask for a spa day voucher? Boots voucher? Books voucher?
And happy birthday!

I am exactly the same. I get around it now by going away for my birthday for a few days, on my own if possible. I can get away from it that way and the time and space away is good for my mental health.

I love my birthday. I order myself something lovely, I usually try and take myself away for a night and I go out for dinner wherever I fancy for dinner. One day (or more if I can swing it!) that is just for me.

I used to get very upset and agitated around my birthday but since going NC with my mum it's been much much better.

She was so aggravating with choosing the wrong gifts even though I'd been VERY specific every time about what I wanted. Examples:

I asked for a small clock for the mantelpiece of my new house, I particularly wanted a wooden frame, something very simple and clean. I sent her a link to an example. She bought me a hideous metal framed one with curlicues and swirls all over it to the extent you couldn't actually tell the time

I asked for an Amazon voucher. She sent me one for Dorothy Perkins, a shop I haven't been into since exceeding size 16 in my late teens. (I'm in my 40s!)

I asked for a DVD of a film I had recently seen at the cinema and loved. She said she couldn't buy it because she didn't want to use her debit card online 🤔 They were selling it in all the supermarkets plus HMV etc.

Nowadays I get card and gift off my sister and my son (don't have a partner). Sometimes I will plan a treat for myself and son, something low key like visiting a museum or going to the cinema, followed by a meal out to somewhere nice but not eye-wateringly expensive. Sometimes I'll just treat myself to a (Groupon LOL) hair cut and colour, or a sports massage, or a new handbag (my guilty pleasure!)

I've never had many friends, and I'd say right now I only have one who would vaguely remember my birthday was around X month. I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal now. It's just one day out of the whole year.

Hate mine too. I think it's the expectations that it comes with. New friends/acquaintances ( I lost touch with old friends) all assume you'll be up for a drink or a party and it's actually a reminder that I no longer drink or party due to past excess and problems.( I keep this low-key so I tend to duck out of explaining I don't drink and make-excuses rather than be met with judgey looks if I actually explain I was a raging alcoholic and party animal with no off button). I think I'm seen as a bit of a sad case and a bore when it comes to birthdays because of this.
OH, close family and DC make it special with gifts, cards and cake but it just isn't all the fun and frivolity that's expected and I feel guilty that I'm not really having fun and going through the motions.

I used to be the same and tried to ignore my bday...
It changed when I got our of my neutral limbo to a happier place.
Took effort but no one can do it for you.
If you feel your life is antisocial - do something to change it. Go and do something you like, even on a small scale originally.
Being teetotal doesn’t make it impossible to go out with people.
I don’t drink either - but a glass of cola is a drink too - so as long as you aren’t a judgy abstainer - why can’t you be out with people who do drink?
As to H and his family not liking cash gifts - tough. It’s YOUR bday.
Tell him what you want and it’s up to him if he decides to do it, or not.

You sound down and deflated. But you are still only 31. And life shouldn’t be this dreary.
Do you want to wake up on this day in twenty years time and still feel the same?
If not - there is plenty of time to get up and make small changes, that can lead to bigger changes, etc....

You do sound like an introvert. So - you know yourself best as to what makes you happy.
It is a little concerning that you only have two friends that seem to be not be too close to you. Is this because you are putting up barriers for people to get closer - or are you genuinely happier that way?

@MMmomDD yes I only have two friends. One I've known since sixth form but we have really different lives. She's single with no kids, goes travelling a lot, has a city job. The other friend is a fellow school mum so we're only friends because of the kids iykwim.

I had my first daughter when I was young - only 22. That instantly alienated me from my peers and they effectively walked. Then I didn't fit into any mum groups etc as everyone was on average a decade older than me. I'm due to turn 31 and I have a 9 and 5yo. I've kind of never fitted in anywhere.

All of this has made me a total introvert. I'm not a judgey abstained at all but I also never get invited to anything. On the flip side I have no one really to invite myself. Catch 22.

Ah well.

Don’t give up, life isn’t over....
Really not...

I get it that you had kids young and it was difficult to fit in then.
But by now - you are a bit older. And so are kids - so they are easier and don’t need you as much.
So - you can now take a break if time for yourself and think of YOUR needs.
Hobby? exercise? Something?

Since becoming an adult I have always hated my birthday.
I was given up for adoption when I was 5 weeks old and despite trying to trace her never found my birth mother.
My birthday is a reminder that she couldn’t keep me/didn’t want me, I will never know which one it was. ☹️

Not celebrating a birthday is the norm for me being a Dec 25th ( I refuse to use the "C" word) baby. I can't go out for a meal because it's C dinner or nothing...I've never had a birthday party because there's so much going on around that date and my DM was always too busy (unlike siblings who had parties on their birthdays or close to it when we were kids), often no birthday presents just " oh I got you this for Cmas AND your birthday...and of course the best one is I am obliged to spend money on other people on my Birthday but no-one gets me a present on theirs. Don't feel guilty about not celebrating it when all's said and done it's just a day.

@fudgesmummy I'm sorry

@damn - I totally get this, my son's best mate when he was at school was born on boxing day (and he had a twin!) He said it was all "Oooh this is for Xmas and your birthday tomorrow too!"
Either that or "You were born on Xmas day so you're special to God and don't need material things" 🤔

I think 8FencingWire has great suggestions, I’d love to do all those things (I’m in my mid 30s). I love going to other people’s celebrations but don’t like planning my own, I always think people won’t like it/won’t come! For my ‘hen do’ I had afternoon tea at a spa hotel with 6 friends, all very low key and exactly what I wanted. There are plenty of great things you can do without alcohol. Decide what you would like to do, see if your friends want to join you, and go for it, alone or with them! Happy Birthday!

In a fit of pique one year I decided not to buy a certain family member a gift for her birthday...she was the main 1-4-2 present every year...When asked if I had remembered it was her birthday I sweetly replied " Oh the present I gave you at Christmas was also for your birthday, I can't afford 2 presents to give you"..caused a bit of a family rift for a while but I'd made my point.

YES! Hate it with a passion. It's close to New Year so everyone is (a) broke, (b) hung over, (c) fed up with "celebrating" or (d) going dry after Xmas/New Year.

It's as miserable as sin and I loath it. Plus there's a tendency to give you a "combined" Xmas/birthday present at that time of year cheapskates.

Yes.

Reminds me I don't have (or probably don't want) a social life.

I hate it. It brings up sad memories and resurrects all the old feelings of abandonment. I'd rather just ignore the whole day or work.

Well at least it's a working day so I hopefully don't need to acknowledge it. My colleagues don't know.