How to get over finding out dp was bisexual and cheating

[Margotsmom]

(Long one so sorry don’t wanna drip feed)

How do I get over this. Finding out my now ex dp is bisexual and was messing around with other women and men all through my relationship

After a long time online dating I finally found somone I liked and we got on well, I never had any suspicion about his sexuality or that he was cheating nor did he give any signs away that this was the case. He was never shy about leaving his phone around.

So 6 months down the line he was staying at my house one night and I came home from work and his phone lite up with some messages and I my gut just dropped. I tried to resist but I couldn’t. The messages lead to me looking at his camera roll where I found a dick pic taken a few hours ago in my own house. I then checked his browser history and it turned out he was on a swingers site.

I was so surprised and hurt by what I found. All through the relationship he was on this site everyday messaging men and women saying some of the most disgusting things Iv ever read and sending extremely graphic pictures of himself and arranging to meet men but not following through. Not to be mean but my now ex dp didn’t seem to have a standard. It was anyone and everyone he seemed to be sexting. From teenagers to people in there 80s.

Now I have ended the relationship as I know it wasn’t a long relationship and not worth fixing. I never said to him about the site or the men because I didn’t want him to be embarrassed . I just said you have been messaging other women (as far as he knows I just looked at his what’s app) he promised he never met anyone and just used it as material for pleasuring himself and begged for me to take him back but I said no. No second chances.

Now I just want to know how to feel better. How can I get over this betrayal? I feel like a mug and that I have been violated, that I never saw this coming or expected any of this. I am so hurt and it’s really knocked my self confidence.

I'm so sorry you've been through that. Do you have children?. Have you had sti tests? Sounds like he's a sex addict!

I’ve been where you are OP! I think it’s more common that we realise! It’s still a bitter pill to swallow though.

I’m still missing and longing for mine, even after everything! I’m hoping time will heal

And definitely get the STI tests, I was anxious but all fine in the end.

Is it really relevant that he messaged both men and women? He was quite indiscriminate from what you say. Does the fact that some of his would-be conquests were male make it different than the female ones? If so, why?

I just want to make the point, OP, that his cheating behaviour has nothing to do with him being bisexual. Being bisexual does not mean that you need to have non monogamous sex with people of both sexes concurrently.

I was more meaning that he never told me he was bisexual. It was just a shock to find out like that. I don’t judge him for his sexuality I’m just hurt by the cheating.

Of course it must have been hurtful to find out he was so two-faced (or more like 1000-faced!)

Think of it this way though - at least you found out now while the relationship was relatively new. It would be so much worse if you'd invested loads of time and emotion into it.

Have you told anyone IRL? (Not in detail, you could just say you found he was messaging literally hundreds of people looking for hookups.) I think you could do with someone to let you have a really good rant and vent, and possibly a bottle or two of wine, but DEFINITELY a takeout pizza.

Be kind to yourself and remember his behaviour is no reflection on you - he will have been doing this for years and been caught out on any number of occasions.

It's really good that you kept your dignity and didn't scream and shout but just coldly told him it wasn't working out. That will have hurt him far more.

Keep your chin up

Thank you Furious, in my head Iv been thinking why wasn’t I good enough and why didn’t I satisfy him ? But hearing you say his behaviour is no reflection on me has really helped make me feel better.

Also booked in on Wednesday for an Sti check so fingers crossed all is ok.

Also - OP - just keeps keep things in perspective....
He wasn’t a DP of many years... It was only a few months of dating, at best he was a bf...
You were in the early stages of learning about each other.
He was not being honest about himself.
All there is to it.
It’ll take a bit of time, but you’ll move on.