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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you really decide to leave?

4 replies

MesspressoArtini · 08/06/2019 16:32

Long story short:

Married 15 years. 1 DC(9). Lots of issues since DC was born (and before). Things have not been good for years. Have basically grown apart and living mostly separate lives. DC is only real link. Separate rooms for about 2 years, no sexual contact/intimacy (kissing etc) for 6 years or more. Not much more going back before that.

Both of us have been pushed to our limits over the last 5 years and have threatened to leave. Have agreed to change/work together etc and things improve superficially for a few weeks before slipping back into the same routine. We both work full time in demanding roles, but he’s been very happy to let me deal with everything domestic. I often get home from work around 6:30pm, make dinner, sort out school stuff, washing etc and then do domestic stuff until my bedtime at 11pm ish. I can’t remember the last time I sat in the living room, much less watched any tv in there. He games until the early hours - he is an insomniac and as he works mostly from home I’ve been okay with that as it provides social interaction that he doesn’t get via work. But it grates that I’ve been trying to read a book for 3 years and haven’t had time whilst he plays games for 15 hours a week.

It’s recently come to a head. I told him I wanted to separate. He’s gone into overdrive and is desperately trying to win me back. In truth, I checked out years ago. I have no interest in a relationship with him beyond parenting DD, and I’ve told him that he deserves a full relationship including sex etc, and that I can’t give him that. We’ve talked more than we have in years - he’s admitted that he thought the couples therapy we had weekly for months was about fixing me, not him. He’s gone from blaming me for everything to now blaming himself. We’ve done various personality tests, love languages etc and every single one shows us to be complete opposites.

The bottom line is that the frustration I feel for him is now affecting my relationship with DC, and I owe them more than that. So with my sensible head, I have little choice but to leave.

But the practical seems so difficult. In the short term I could rent somewhere locally. It would represent a financial pressure, but we could work things to be able to afford it. But longer term if we sold the house to buy 2 smaller ones, DC would likely lose out. As an only child having the space for sleepovers is important. How do you split a house up temporarily? How do we work DC’s time/activities?

I wish I could travel forward in time 6 or 12 months and see what life was like for us all and to know what the right decision is. Anyone been there and got any advice?

OP posts:
Theworldcouldbemymollusc · 08/06/2019 16:40

Having the space for sleepovers is way less important than having happy parents and developing a blueprint for a positive healthy relationship. Leave now and at least let your ds see you happy through his teenage years.

WoodyWoodpecker4 · 08/06/2019 17:08

Sounds like you should have left when you decided to sleep in seperate beds!! I would have suggested couples therapy but it sounds like you have tried that and if he went into it thinking it was all about 'fixing' you then he sounds like a bit self centered anyway!! It sounds like you have already made your decision to leave but just need to sort out the way forward which will be best for you all

MesspressoArtini · 08/06/2019 19:01

Thank you. I don’t think I’m 100% about leaving. It’s a massive decision to make and I feel I’m being selfish making it. Destroying everything DC knows and believes in. Believing there’s better out there for me - not DC.

All of the future plans ripped up - being mortgage free by 50, travel, retiring at 60, DC having space as a teenager.

I don’t know that H will ever recover from it. He’s socially awkward, possibly autistic and now depressed. And I would feel guilty for that.

And then in leaving H, I’d be effectively leaving DC as well. And I don’t want them to feel that that is what I’ve done.

I don’t know what to do. How do I know?

OP posts:
WoodyWoodpecker4 · 08/06/2019 19:12

It will never be an easy decision to make but you can not be unhappy yourself, sometimes you have to grab life by the balls and embrace it. If your H wants to be with you then maybe you should give the councilling another shot, you will both have to be totally open and committed and maybe knowing it is your last chance to make things right will be the kick your H really needs. Sounds like he really needs to cut down on his gaming and actually give you a break. Even seeking out therapy for yourself may be in order to address the issues of guilt that you are feeling. It is not an easy decision and glad I am not in your shoes.

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