Long story short:
Married 15 years. 1 DC(9). Lots of issues since DC was born (and before). Things have not been good for years. Have basically grown apart and living mostly separate lives. DC is only real link. Separate rooms for about 2 years, no sexual contact/intimacy (kissing etc) for 6 years or more. Not much more going back before that.
Both of us have been pushed to our limits over the last 5 years and have threatened to leave. Have agreed to change/work together etc and things improve superficially for a few weeks before slipping back into the same routine. We both work full time in demanding roles, but he’s been very happy to let me deal with everything domestic. I often get home from work around 6:30pm, make dinner, sort out school stuff, washing etc and then do domestic stuff until my bedtime at 11pm ish. I can’t remember the last time I sat in the living room, much less watched any tv in there. He games until the early hours - he is an insomniac and as he works mostly from home I’ve been okay with that as it provides social interaction that he doesn’t get via work. But it grates that I’ve been trying to read a book for 3 years and haven’t had time whilst he plays games for 15 hours a week.
It’s recently come to a head. I told him I wanted to separate. He’s gone into overdrive and is desperately trying to win me back. In truth, I checked out years ago. I have no interest in a relationship with him beyond parenting DD, and I’ve told him that he deserves a full relationship including sex etc, and that I can’t give him that. We’ve talked more than we have in years - he’s admitted that he thought the couples therapy we had weekly for months was about fixing me, not him. He’s gone from blaming me for everything to now blaming himself. We’ve done various personality tests, love languages etc and every single one shows us to be complete opposites.
The bottom line is that the frustration I feel for him is now affecting my relationship with DC, and I owe them more than that. So with my sensible head, I have little choice but to leave.
But the practical seems so difficult. In the short term I could rent somewhere locally. It would represent a financial pressure, but we could work things to be able to afford it. But longer term if we sold the house to buy 2 smaller ones, DC would likely lose out. As an only child having the space for sleepovers is important. How do you split a house up temporarily? How do we work DC’s time/activities?
I wish I could travel forward in time 6 or 12 months and see what life was like for us all and to know what the right decision is. Anyone been there and got any advice?