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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Abusive ex popping up again with money

6 replies

weleasewoderick22 · 08/06/2019 15:46

I divorced my abusive, alcoholic ex 10 years ago. We have 1 dc aged 12 and have been no contact for about a year because he was really affecting my ds's mental health. My ds was happy about this.

He has never paid maintenance regularly, but has given me lump sums. His df died 2 years ago and he gave me £8000 from his inheritance, so I didn't pursue any cm from him. It works out to approximately £333.00 a month and, as he doesn't work, I considered that a reasonable amount.

He doesn't work because he's disabled and an alcoholic. I work and don't get any benefits and I put £4000 in savings for my ds and bought a car with the rest.

Out of the blue he phoned ds last week, but he was drunk and ds told him he didn't want to speak to him when he's been drinking and said bye. Exh said ok and rung off. Then today I've just had a txt from the bank to say he's sent £100 and I don't know what to do about it.

He never does anything without an ulterior motive, and it's really triggered me. What's he up to? I don't need or want the money even though I know that morally he should pay it. I've blocked him on everything and I don't want to speak to him, but I know he'll quiz dc about what the money is spent on.

Should I send it back?

( sorry about the essay!)

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 08/06/2019 16:34

Even sending it back is acknowledging it. He definitely has an ulterior motive, and that is most likely to get some form of acknowledgement from you. How old is your son? I'd probably say, 'your Dad has sent £100, I've put it in your savings account.'

So no big deal, and no contact maintained. Take care, OP.

weleasewoderick22 · 08/06/2019 16:47

Thanks for your reply.

You've confirmed what I was thinking, I'll put the money in his savings and tell ds to tell him what I've done if ex asks.

OP posts:
WoodyWoodpecker4 · 08/06/2019 17:47

I agree with putting it into the savings account for ds, if you gave it back it will only go on booze so look at it as if you are prolonging his liver for at least a little bit longer Grin

weleasewoderick22 · 08/06/2019 17:50

You're so right! Better in ds's savings then in ex's liver!!

OP posts:
Meccacos · 11/06/2019 05:05

Keep the money, ignore the ex. He was probably drunk when he transferred it.

AgentJohnson · 11/06/2019 05:42

Keep the money but don’t reply.

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