Drinking and domestic violence

[Yellowcurtains12]

Hi
My husband has had an alcohol problem for a long time now and it has caused issues between us as he refuses to address it. Things between us have become very strained lately because of the added stress of a new business. This has caused him to drink more as well. A couple of weeks ago he came in late and I asked him to sleep in the spare room as he was drunk. This turned into an argument and he punched me. I have since left the house to stay with family. He is very sorry and has sought help with his drinking- however I know that only time can tell if that works. My question is would you cut all ties now or wait a year to see if there is a change? We have been together for 15 years. To give the full facts this isn’t the first time but is the worst. He has pushed me before- id say about 5 times over the last ten years.

I would cut ties now. Do you have DC with him?

Cut ties. The punch wasn't a one-off - he has pushed you. Violence isn't acceptable. Do not take him back and never accept any form of aggression from a partner (be it verbal/threats to physical acts, no matter how small they seem).

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.
Did you see similar at home?

They all say they are sorry but its empty words. I would cut ties and divorce him; you yourself need to get off the merry go around that is alcoholism entirely now. He is an alcoholic who has also acted violently towards you (and will continue to do so if you get back together).

Why a year to see if there is a change?. This is who he is; violent and a drunkard. A year as well is no time at all in the great scheme of things; he has not changed an iota in all the years you have been together. Chances are he will revert to type as soon as that year is up.

Your relationship was over the very first time he pushed you. Seek support for your own self from the likes of Womens Aid and Al-anon; learn about codependency in relationships (you are likely to be codependent) and enrol yourself onto WA's Freedom Programme.

Divorce, now.

Alcoholism is a terrible disease, but alcohol doesn't produce new character traits that weren't there when the person was sober, it just takes the brakes off and reveals character traits the person is able to hide while sober. He is a violent man, and this is not going to change.

Hi no I have no DC

Hello, sorry this is my first time on here and I had a bit of trouble logging back in. No we have no DC and yes growing up there was DV and alcoholism in my parents relationship- it’s incredible when u witness it and say ul never follow the same path and then what happens!
He’s signed up to a domestic violence perpetrator course which is why I said I’d wait a year before filing for a divorce and in that year we wouldn’t be living together.
I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to understand it all and do understand that alcohol isn’t the cause of the violence. I’ve also looked into codependency as I thought I may be codependent.