Is this reason plausible?

[BloomingIdiot]

Hi, just wanted to run an excuse or reason by you all to see if it seems plausible or if it's a lie. I suspect my boyfriend lies to me and if that's the case, I've had enough.

He was due to come round for the weekend and his work colleague was going to drop him off at mine tonight after they'd been working away for the day. He'd text me earlier in the day saying he loves me. About 4 p.m I text him and asked what was his ETA and he replied saying he'd forgotten to bring his stuff with him to stay over for the weekend and he's still on his way back and wasn't expecting to be back another 4 hours later, so wouldn't be coming round until tomorrow. Why did it take me to prompt him to tell me he'd forgotten his things and wouldn't be coming? He'd known that all day. I'm not bothered if he didn't want to come round tonight but I don't want to he lied to about it.

At about 1.30 p.m he'd put on Snapchat a picture of himself on his way back home on the motorway. He messaged at 10 p.m to say he'd just got home. From that he's telling me it's taken at least 7 and a half hours to drive 164 miles. I recognise congestion on the motorway can be bad but I think he's lying. It said on Google during that time the current journey was taking 4 and a half hours.

Does it sound plausible it could take 7+ hours to drive 164 miles or am I being overly analytical? I'm sorry if this sounds inane but I know if I ask him he'll make me out to be unreasonable and I don't trust my own judgement because whenever I have called him out on previous possible lies, he just denies everything and says I think too much. It makes me feel anxious. Any feedback would be appreciated. TIA.

I've just realised that the SnapChat pic was of him on the motorway and I assumed he was on his way home! But, he was definitely on his way back at 4 and still didn't get back until 10. Is that more plausible? I'm sorry, I know how nuts I'm sounding right now.

It's plausible especially if they stopped to eat. Plus bathroom breaks etc

But I'm guessing you have other reasons for being suspicious?

Thank you. I appreciate your feedback. Yeah, I know he's lied about other stuff and it makes me not trust him very much. I know that I'm fretting too much too. Thank you.

If he's lied to you about other stuff and you don't trust him to the point that you are Googling his estimated drive time, is it even relevant that his story is plausible? It sounds like a pretty crappy relationship.

6 hours to do 164 miles? Can't see that at all. I'm on the motorway often for work and can do Cornwall to Leeds (390 miles) in 6 hours and that includes a couple of "comfort breaks".

Depending on traffic, if it's the right side of normal, it's probably closer to 2.5 hours for 164 miles (especially if it's "Foot Down Friday" )

No it's not, unless there was a huge accident or something.
How many times have you suspected he has lied to you?

If you don't trust him, how about just ending it? Life is too fucking short for twisting yourself into knots trying to believe a liar.

I'd be less concerned with the journey time, and more concerned that he was quite willing to leave you thinking he was coming to yours as planned.

If he had any concern for you whatsoever, he'd have at least texted as soon as he realised his plans had to change.

That, combined with 'forgetting his stuff' suggests you are not a priority to him at the very least.

I would suggest you downgrade his importance to you accordingly.

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I was feeling foolish for asking and I recognise that I look horrible for checking up on him but he's lied quite a few times and whenever I question him, he denies it which makes me feel I can't trust my reality.

I have ended it with him before, this is our second chance but I'm not enjoying feeling so anxious all the time and I'm tired of second guessing his motives.

He went to the pub, op. You're not a priority. Sack him off. Don't be waiting round for him.

I agree with @Silversky70 he had a better offer. Probably had all intentions of coming to yours then got the better offer midday so sacked you off. Don't be second best.

Yes I I too thought it wasn't great that he hadn't even mentioned he wasn't coming over, I had to bring ask. Also in the past, he'd have gone home, picked his stuff up and then come to mine because he was keen. This feels off. I think he went out with someone else. It's also odd he'd text me to say when he got home, he doesn't usually.

And if he's lying to you, he will continue to lie to you. The man clearly has no respect!

Sorry, bring it up to ask. Missed a few words out there.

He's messing you around. There are nice men out there - you deserve better, OP

It's not working, you're not happy, you deserve better.

Draw a line under this relationship. Too much angst. It will mess with your head.

If you’re googling to check how long a journey takes to see whether what he tells you is plausible, then you don’t trust him, so what’s the point?

he's lied quite a few times and whenever I question him, he denies it which makes me feel I can't trust my reality

Look up gaslighting OP. He's lying then telling you by his behaviour it's you who has the problem, which means You are beginning to distrust your own perception of reality. Listen to your gut.

You do have a problem but it isn't you. It's him. He is the problem.

If he is a liar and you dont believe him. There no point continuing.

However, just wanted to say there was major accident on the M1 yesterday near Sheffield. Causes hours of delays and motorway was closed from about 8.30am - to evening time.

If he was in that area, it could have taken ages.

Thank you everyone for your advice and perspective, I thought I was being silly for asking and tried rationalising to myself all day.

I asked him yesterday what time he set off and he started floundering for an answer so I offered that I thought he was already on his way when he messaged me. He said he was and it took 4 hours to get back. So going from that he should have at the latest been back by 8

Thanks again for everybody's help and support. Looks like I need to make my decision now.

Good luck OP. Not a nice thing to go through.

I agree with PP. Relationships shouldn't be this difficult. You shouldn't have to check up on your partner or second guess them. In a good relationship, they'll come and see you because they want to. If they're held up they'll tell you. If they don't want to do something they'll discuss it or tell you why. If you don't trust him, what's the point?

Life’s too short op. And from the sound of him, things won’t improve in the future.