Emotional Affair, just as bad as sexual affair??

[midlifesomething]

Opinions please. Are emotional affairs without sex just as bad as affairs with sex?

Most will say yes. I'll say no. If my DH was mooning over another woman, at least it wouldn't endanger my sexual health as a physical affair would, or risk pregnancy for OW (which would have financial impact on my children).

Good point :)

It depends doesn’t it. If your husband is in love with someone else it will severely affect your life, wether they’ve had sex or not.
You can pretend otherwise
Many people do.

It’s about respect. If he’s doing it. It means he had zero respect for you or the ow

I'd say no.

Emotional keeps it at a certain teenage crush distance. It can be a lot of projected fantasy. Intimacy is crossing the line, but for me intimacy includes kissing too not just sex. Once you've gone there, it's another level.

Also, an emotional affair can be one sided and not fully reciprocated. Lots of room for misinterpretation and 'what does this mean' etc.

Intimacy removes that and is clear of the intention.

I think I would feel as hurt by a partner sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with someone else as I would if he was banging them.
Maybe even more so..

I can bet my life it’s only an emotional affair due to lack of means and opportunity to fuck.

For me? No.

I don't see them the same, an emotional affair isn't as bad IMO. Both deal breakers for me though. But they are different. I'd rather find out about an emotional affair than physical one but it would still be over.

I just don't think you can control the thoughts and emotions of the person you live with. And I think emotional affairs come and go. I have had passionate nonsexual friendships with women that probably affected dh a lot at the time but he let me live my life. I won't say they didn't affect my marriage at times but I will say they made me happier overall.

Well, from personal and painful experience, the one is likely to lead to the other. Certainly did for my exW.

Even if it hadn’t / doesn’t, there’s no difference IMO. You’re still betraying your partner.

Temporarypermanent - well, as long as you're happy, that's all fine.

OP - my DP had an emotional affair. Every spare minute he had, he was out running with her, cycling with her, discussed our relationship with her. He spent a lot of money on texts and phone calls (went way over his phone 'plan'). Loads of emails, bought her chocolate. He told me they had also considered having an affair but decide not to because of the DCs involved. That means he'd thought about it and imagined having sex with her.
It was very damaging to us. Even now, 5 years later, I don't trust him. He always manages to go for a run near where she lives, or the Tesco that is nearest to her, gets dog bones from the butchers in her town.
So yes, an emotional affair can be as bad as a physical one IMO.

I would say it can be worse because the bond that creates a relationship is emotional, so it's replacing the "main" relationship.
In a purely physical affair you wouldn't share your inner self so not the same level of connection.
Both unforgivable imo.

Thanks, really useful comments. Xxx

In my situation the lying is also the problem. He’s lying about his friendship with another woman (told me they’d fallen out, stopped contact etc) but i’ve found out that’s not true. I feel you only lie if you have something to hide...

Until it happened to me I would have ssid no. But it did. 2 years on my 18 year marriage is wrecked...I no longer trust him, even like him. He hurt me with his lies, deceit and disrespect.

Very easy to say no until you go through it.

I have also been through it and I felt it was worse because there are feelings and emotions involved. The time they spend making someone else feel amazing is the time they should be paying you attention. It’s the lies and deceit as well and the lengths they go to to keep the contact.

I have just split from my dp who has been havan emotional affair although I still don't know the whole truth. He has been spending all his spare time with her, lying about where he has been and opened a joint bank account with her without consulting me with a view to starting a business which he felt I hadn't supported him in. Emotional affairs can be extremely damaging.