Unhappy marriage

[Moonchild1968]

Hello. I am new here. Been married 17 years. 2 kids a Boy 15 and girl 14. I am so very unhappy. Have been for years. I am retired and disabled with a very bad back since 2009. Former Law Enforcement. I collect small amount of social security. My husband is a financial disaster and has put our Family in bankruptcy twice already. His car engine just blew up and it is all because he refused to take it in for maintenance and put oil in. A very simple thing that costs $ 25.00 has now turned into an $9000.00 problem and possibly loosing his job. We cannot pay the mortgage, or enroll the kids in school for next year. He is once again jeopardizing the welfare of the family because of his laziness. I have had to bail him out many times. There is no sex for 4 years, he sleeps on the couch, is a slob. I have gone to therapy for 3 years. He refuses. He thinks everything is fine. I do not like this man at all. I do not want to work on this marriage. I want out ASAP!. I was saving but now he is going to take that money for the car. I want to leave but my issue is the kids LOVE him. He walks on water in their eyes because he buys them everything they want. If I leave, they will hate me. What do I do? Please be kind. I am very fragile. I live in the USA. I love the UK and everyone in it! CHEERS!

Oh op, perhaps the kids don’t know the real fun happy you because you haven’t been happy in so long.

Your kids will love you ... they may not get it for a while but you are still their mum.

And do not let husband take your savings ... especially you want out.

I'm sorry I don't know the intricacies of the US system but how the fuck can your car repair cost £9k? Just sell the the thing and buy a new junker at auction.

My understanding is that you have a public school system which is free, right? So enrol your DC in that for next term, it will almost certainly do them good to mix with normal people (as opposed to those who can pay for private schooling)

separate your finances asap and take legal advice on whether you can drain the joint account.

What's the house situation? Are you married, renting, owning?

I’m so unhappy. I’ve been married for 15 years and have two children under 6. I’m so very unhappy. My husband never cooks and only does about 20% of the household chores, though we both work full time. He’s always more interested about his personal fitness and it’s driving me mad. Our sex life is non existent and has been for about 6 years. When I’ve raised this with him in the past he says he does want to have sex and will make more effort. However nothing ever changes. It’s got to the point now where I don’t even want to have sex with him.
He’s not a terrible man, but I feel so unhappy and want to leave. I feel sad most days and don’t feel like myself anymore. He has been ok during lockdown as he doesn’t really like socialising and can make people very unwelcome in our home with his sulking, so not being able to see people has suited him ok. However, I’m very sociable and love seeing other people.
He does support us well financially and though I think I could support me and my children it would be on a smaller budget.
I also worry and feel guilty on the impact this would have emotionally on my children. Am I being selfish to want to leave? Nothing catastrophic has happened he just doesn’t make me happy anymore and I think the love has gone. I feel even more sad when I think of being stuck here in 5 years and dream of being wanted and desired. 😢

Shoebirdie I can completely relate to your situation. I feel I am so responsible for everyone and everything, I feel like mum to my husband rather than wife. My husband is lovely, but doesn't recognise my needs in our relationship. Everyone has their good times and bad times but... I have consistently asked myself over the last couple of years. Who is looking after me??
I have made the decision to leave, it is so so difficult but I still think its the right thing for me. My sons (14/7) were obviously upset / shocked but it is getting easier and I do already feel better.

Moonchild- you have to do what is right for you. Your children will be absolutely fine, your not taking the children away from their dad your just doing what is best for your mental health. The children will see that.

@shoebirdie you'd be better off starting a new thread. Just click on the arrow on the right across from relationships. Then click on start new thread. Many posters will either just answer the OP (first post) or will see its old and not answer.