My childhood behaviour. Please be gentle.

[Nellyjelly]

Not sure this is right place to post but.....

I am freaking out about something that happened when I was a kid. I am in my 40s now but when I was about 11 or 12 I had a friend next door who was 8. I recently remembered that for a short time we used to play a game that I can now see was a bit sexually charged.

There was no nudity or touching but we used to kind of act out little scenarios that were to us ‘a bit rude’. An example is pretending to be chased by boys and pretending they would take our tops off. Or pretending to be dancing on tables in our underwear. This happened about 4 times I remember. It felt a bit ‘naughty’.

What worries me now is that I was older and should have known better. I wasn’t in puberty I don’t think butmust have been headed that way. There was no coercion but pretty sure the games developed from me. Later, when we were older we mentioned it and were a bit ‘yikes’ but never really talked about it again.

Now I’m older I worry about that time. I am not in contact with that friend but I’m scared she feels uncomfortable about it now or embarrassed. She may not even give it a second thought! I feel bad. I was the older child. Luckily nothing came Of this and we just grew up a bit and moved on.

This memory worries me. Was it really weird? Nothing like that happened before or since and I’m not sure why I behaved like that. I feel awful and keep obsessing about it.

Any constructive advice would be welcome. TIA.

I think that most people have experiences like this when we are young. You aren't alone, we're all immature and do things that could be perceived as being a little bit odd!

I wouldn't worry about It, it all sounds harmless play acting. I did this when i was younger with my little cousin (we were around the same ages as you and your neighbour) and we'd pretend to kiss our imaginary boyfriends on our hands etc. I threw up with younger brothers and once did a little dance in front of them when I was out of the bath, opening my bathrobe and thinking it was hilarious. When I was older I apologised profusely for it and told them I was just getting used to my bodily changes (I was about 10, puberty happened early for me). They didn't even remember and laughed about It, calling me a pervert for the rest of the night because they knew it would wind me up (brothers eh?). Still, I absolutely cringe at that memory now still.
You shouldn't worry but if it's driving you to distraction just Facebook msg the neighbour and tell her you've been feeling guilty about it. I'd bet money she probably feels embarrassed about it now too if she even thinks about it at all.
I think it's normal behaviour- dipping your toe in what you think is grown up behaviour.

OP I have similar memories. Some of an older child wanting to play act a kidnapping game and some of me divising similar.

I have also had yikes, what a wierdo was I thoughts. But we were all children. You were a child.

I don't think there's anything wrong or even unusual here.

I think most people do stuff like that. Dh and I chatted about this one time and he also had. usually with neighbours / friends. i wouldn't worry think it is normal.

Thanks. Feels better sharing it. There is a fine line between what’s appropriate and what’s not for kids doing thisstuff, I know. Especially in this day and age when we’re more sensitive to child abuse etc. Rightly so.

I wish I could find her on FB but I can’t sadly.

Thanks for ‘listening’. I have a tendency to catastrophise and have been worried about it.

I think it’s pretty normal. I can look back on my childhood from about 2+ and say my peers and I acted out some weird stuff that had a sexual element but without us really knowing what sex was. It was just a part of play and being silly. It doesn’t sound like you were being abusive in any way.

@NellyJelly... completely normal. Me and my friends did “more” than this e.g. kissing, “showing bums” , looking at boobs etc. But none of us were coerced/ older/ in a position of power ... what u are describing sounds like curiosity and not harmful.

Thanks all. You’re all helpful.

Sounds like normal, childish behaviour. Stop beating yourself up about it! No-one was harmed.

Did similar stuff as a kid. Had totally forgotten about bit till reading this, op.

It's normal. Forget it.

Similar stuff went on here, too - mutual messing around. However, there was one much older girl who used to make the rest of us take off our clothes so she could look at us, and I don't know why we all just obeyed her. Once, her older brother walked in and was clearly furious with her.

I think she was probably a bit of a bully, as she was unpleasant to us in other ways too, but she was still a child and I don't think badly of her for the weirdo nudey stuff.

Oh heck, sorry, I meant to say that I wouldn't worry about it, OP, as what you describe sounds normal and harmless. I only mentioned the other stuff about the older girl to make the point that even that hasn't left me thinking badly of her. Didn't mean to compare you to her.

It’s fine. I think it’s good to hear this stuff. Makes me feel less of a weirdo!

Oh gosh, I know exactly how you feel. In my religious school not only did we play ‘pinch bum’ but also ‘pinch privates’.

All sorts of dodgy games happened at girl guide camp when we were 10/11. I feel awkward to think of it now!

definitely - lots of this as a kid
Drs and Nurses went on with my older brothers way after it should have done too but it was all normal curiosity and there was no coercion

Perfectly fine OP. My best friend & I used to act out “ doing it” with her bedroom curtains drawn at around age 10. Took it in turns to be on top etc, all fully clothed

It’s normal, children have a sexuality.

Thanks. Your responses are so helpful. MN is the best sometimes. Especially when you’re stressed to hell and need someone to speak to!