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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Has anyone here ever called off an engagement here?

11 replies

SheepGoesBaa · 07/06/2019 15:31

I'm nearly a year engaged. Since I met my partner a few years ago, everything was fantastic between us. I was so happy. Currently we have no set date or plans due to financial restrictions and savings. There is one problem between us. Sex or the lack of sex. Sex dwindled last year but that wasn't a problem for me. Now, sex is nothing and it is a problem now for me. I'm female. My partner is male. We are both in our 30s. The lack of sex, to some degree was from the two of us. Different schedules, hectic schedules, one raising earlier than the other, monthly period getting in the way. However, many times conditions have been good for us to have sex, and sex doesn't happen. More often than not what happens is some fumbling together and we don't finish having sex for some reason. He masturbates and finishes himself off. January was the last time we had sex. There has been plenty of times since then, we got cost together but it ends with him masturbating instead of having sex with me.

I'm not one bit happy and I hate it. There's no sexual connection any more between us. I don't know if I can see it coming back. I would love for it to come back but I don't know if it will. It will depend on him. I don't think he has erection problems considering he can gain an erection and masturbate. His masturbation grip is vigorous and I think it might be a death grip or porn issue at fault.

Anyways, I really don't see us having sex again. Once we come into July, our schedules are far too crazy and intense, July will be out of the question and at that stage, that will be a 6 month mark without sex.

I feel like absolute crap with this. We are a couple and we don't have sex. I miss the sexual connection between us.

Also, I'm gaining a mindset that, without sex, we are just friends. Friends with occasional and rare benefits. That's all we are. I don't know how to dig my mind out from that mindset.

I think this might be the end of us and I'm ok with that.

OP posts:
sirmione16 · 07/06/2019 15:35

Have you communicated this to him?

FriarTuck · 07/06/2019 15:36

I think this might be the end of us and I'm ok with that.
Then the sex or lack of is irrelevant. If you feel that you're okay with walking away then you definitely shouldn't be considering marriage because mentally the relationship is over.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 07/06/2019 15:37

I have 3 times. Gave the ring back and walked away!

I'm married now but we didn't get engaged. Didn't want to jinx it 😂

madcatladyforever · 07/06/2019 15:37

If there is no sex at this stage in your relationship when you should be madly in love what is it going to be like when you have been married a few years.
This relationship doesn't sound very healthy.

CassianAndor · 07/06/2019 15:40

I didn't and I should have. Spent nearly a year (with virtually no sex) regretting it and finally walked before the year was out.

Don't do what I did.

Villanellesproudmum · 07/06/2019 15:47

Also 3 times here. First one was young and I was ambitious and he wasn’t, too different, we had been together since 16 so changed a lot. Second one wasn’t great, long awful story I won’t bore. Third one his wealthy family disliked me and made me very uncomfortable, he is now married to a suitably educated Doctor Grin but we are still friends. Gave up after that but don’t regret any of them, if you’re unhappy better to do it now before you get married.

AriaFitz · 07/06/2019 15:48

I didn’t call it off and majorly regretted it. The marriage lasted months and was awful. Please call it off Flowers

Crustaceans · 07/06/2019 15:50

It’s unlikely to get better after you get married. It may even get worse.

It is definitely ok to call time on this.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/06/2019 15:51

Yes - I actually cancelled the wedding.
He has a porn habit and cannot ejaculate without using his own death grip.
You are young.
Don't settle for this crap.
What is your living situation?
Mortgage, renting??

Milliy · 07/06/2019 15:54

OP you have posted about this before not long ago havent you?

Milliy · 07/06/2019 16:00

I remember your thread.

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