Normal after so long?

[HollyLM]

Yes, if you look at my previous posts you will all think what an absolute idiot for even posting this!!!

We've been together 7.5 years, we have a 4 year old daughter, we live together (his house)

He bought a new car and then changed his mind and bought another one (keeping the original one he bought) said I could have it as mine needs replacing...

But here's the bit I want to question..... I'll get £6000 for mine, he wants £11,000 for his so once mine has sold I need to give him £5,000 in order to buy the new one from him..

Is that right when we are a partnership (laughable) what do you all think/would you do?

Should I be buying a car from the father of my child?? Am I expecting too much/being spoilt thinking he should let me have it once mine is sold? (Give that money to him) and not give him the extra £5,000?

He earns far more than me but decided to spend £90,000 on an extension on HIS house without asking me and how has no money!

Has he always been like this? If you keep your finances separate then yes, why wouldn’t it be what you’d do?
If you think it’s unfair then I would suggest you work something out with him, but I don’t think it sounds likely.

Tell him he can keep his fucking car, you've got a perfectly good one already...why does a car worth 6000 need replacing?

Or - if you don't like this dynamic (I wouldn't) just say - you're good, he can sell his car and you're gonna find a cheaper one. If you think he might react badly to that, or he does react badly....you have a problem

What exactly are you asking ?

Whether he should give you a car so you can sell yours?
Whether you should buy the car for £11k and sell yours for £6k?

It’s up to you surely do you want the car in the first place, if not tell him to sell it. If you want the car and you think he should gift it to you then the answer depends on how you manage your finances. This is something you should mutually agree. If you didn’t do it before do it now. Because you both need to. For no other reason than you have ended up with 3 cars between the pair of you.

.... finances have always been kept separate, yes - although not my choice. I've always voiced wanting to feel like we're more of a team and do things together but he won't have it! Will see me go without whilst he has everything!

The car needs replacing as it's 9 years old and costing a lot now ok repairs etc.

He spent £20,000 on his OTHER new one!

Argh, why do I feel so angry even just talking about him and money!!

Ignore him and sort your own car.

Sounds like a funny way to run a relationship to me, but if you keep your finances separate that way, you'll have to say to him, sure I'll take the car but I can only pay you 6k. And if he doesn't like it he can sell it himself.

@HollyLM try to seperate your emotions from what you would do if he wasn't around. Would you buy his car? Would you do it on finance, would that work better for you? Or would you pony up the cash? If you wouldn't - go do what you'd do off your own back and inform him

A 6K car needs replacing?
9 isn't that old for a decent car.
Mine is 13 YO and runs like a dream. And only cost £2.7K!!!
You don't need to spend 11K on a car.
You can get a much better deal than that.
Tell him to flog his own car and you will sort yourself out!
You don't sound particularly enamored with this guy.
Why are you with him?
What are his good points?

Not married and you live in his house and the finances are run in such a way that you are in an incredibly vulnerable position here? This is not good at all.

I would not be buying any cars from him at all - why should you?

Are you going to be using the car to take your DD to school / nursery? Use for family life?

If so, and I'm sure others will disagree, but I don't think he should be charging you. Especially as he earns a lot more than you and you're a family. Do you even want to buy it, or is he pressuring you?

My DH and I have a joint account which both our earnings go in to. It works for us and feels fair. We spend what we need and for larger purchases we consult each other / decide together.

Will see me go without whilst he has everything!

This pretty much tells me everything I need to know. You not being married puts you in a very vulnerable position unfortunately. I’d tell him you don’t want his car and also find your own house to live in.

We don't do this in my house (we share) but even if this is what you normally do, let's put it this way: if you don't buy it how much is he going to get for it? It's not going to be full price.

I'd wish him good luck selling his used car and sort out your car when YOU want to replace it.

... yes, like majority of you have said, it is a very unusual set up and I would like things to be 'joint' as most of you have!

I know this relationship isn't right and it hasn't been for so long!

Love makes you do funny things (although not sure its that anymore)

I'm now annoyed at myself for even asking others opinions when I know I should go an find someone more respectful, welcoming and equal!

.... yes, that car is used for school runs etc.

I probably don't 'need' a new car, I just wanted to replace it before I loose a lot of money on it and have to start again xx

If you keep his car you will be resolving his problem by buying his "excess car", are you getting something out of it?
Is it a good deal for you? Is he selling it cheaper because it's you? I wouldn't keep it otherwise, selling a used car is not that easy as he will soon find out...