Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My husband applied for a non molestation order against me

36 replies

fabbee · 07/06/2019 12:54

Good afternoon to everyone. I am new here and this is my first thread. I will give you a brief background to my situation.
I have been married for 13 years but my marriage has been a violent one. I have suffered both mental and physical abuse from my husband throughout our marriage but I haven't been strong enough to leave him. In 2013 he strangled me during an argument and I managed to escape and reported the incidence to the police but I didn't take it further cos I received threats from his family. Around match this year we had another argument and he headbutted me and I believe i suffered some sort of convortion because I fell ill for three weeks after that. On this particular day, I asked him to leave the family home because my kids are now grown and I don't want them witnessing violence anymore and I didn't report it to the police cos i was worried about what will happen to me. A couple of weeks ago I received a letter throgh the mail from my local court asking me to come to the court for a hearing for the non-molestation order which means my husband took one out on me. This has been so distressing as its untrue and I should have taken one out against him but I didn't. pls, can anyone advise on what I can do as my court date is next week. thank you.

OP posts:

Magenta82 · 07/06/2019 13:44

I'm really sorry to hear this is happening to you, he sounds like an utter bastard. I have no experience with this and so probably can't be much help beyond suggesting you contact Woman's Aid, but wanted you to know that people care.

Original poster

fabbee · 07/06/2019 13:47

@Magenta82 thank you for responding. I will contact them.

OP posts:

NeverTwerkNaked · 07/06/2019 13:50

Could you get hold of copies of police reports? Medical notes? You ideally need some proof of his treatment of you.

AllAboutHallowsEve · 07/06/2019 14:02

I've had a similar experience though I suffered from verbal and emotional abuse from my ex partner rather than physical.

But he applied for a non mol against me falsely claiming I had been violent to him.

I had a solicitor supporting me so I don't know what it would be like for you as a litigant in person. But my solicitor submitted our position statement on the day of the initial hearing (which only lasted 30 mins), so i would suggest you write one too.

Detail all the times he has hurt you and any evidence you have. Explain why you refute his claims. Write your name and case number on this and give it to the desk at court. this is then given to the judge.

You can also ask the court if they have any volunteers from their support unit who can sit and support you during the hearing. They cannot give legal advice but can act as a go between you and your ex partner during the day.

Take snacks and water with you as you may need to wait at court for a long time.

Please note I am not a lawyer so please seek legal advice if you can.

Good luck. Remember - the truth is on your side.

Soconfused84 · 07/06/2019 14:08

My friend is going through a similar situation now . He husband called the police and said she threatened him with scissors she was arrested later realeased in that time he got a non molestation , he now has custody of their children , she isn't allowed to get her belongings and she is fighting for her kids it's appalling

Collaborate · 07/06/2019 14:32

This doesn't sound right at all. Injunction applications must be served by hand. The court doesn't send them out in the post.

The application should contain a statement containing allegations of behaviour. Have you seen it?

user1486131602 · 07/06/2019 15:50

He’s playing the game! Go t9 the police and ask for your crime number, Go to women’s aid and your solicitor as a matter of urgency. If he manages to qualify this you could lose everything. Just as he has been advised by his solicitor! That’s why he’s doing it!
Good luck.

Satansgourd · 07/06/2019 15:56

fabbee, he has applied for one, it has not been granted until you both appear in front of the judge. Take all the evidence you have, if you can. Judges are very good at spotting a bullshitter (him). Even if it is granted, it only means you can’t contact him. You won’t get a record or anything

Original poster

fabbee · 07/06/2019 19:39

@NeverTwerk Naked thank you for responding, I called the police out in 2013 when he strangled me, I was given a card with the reference number on it which he has taken from where I kept it.
I went to the police station on Tuesday with the hope of collecting the reference number , I was told because its that far back it is now an historic record and I would have to apply for the info.
I have filled out the form I was given and I have sent it back. I have been advised it can take up to 30 days.

OP posts:

Original poster

fabbee · 07/06/2019 20:12

@NeverTwertNaked thank you for responding. I called the police in 2013 and I was given a card with a reference number on it. He took this card where I kept it but I have been back to the police station to request a copy. I was advised at the station to fill out a form for this request especially because it's so far back. I have done this and sent the form back.

OP posts:

Original poster

fabbee · 07/06/2019 20:29

@AllAboutHallowsEve thank you for your response. so sorry you went through this as well. it's very hurtful, to say the least especially because I am the victim in the case and all I have ever wanted was a happy home for my kids to grow up in- it hurts really bad. I took all the abuse hoping and praying that one day he would change, but his violence has escalated over the years.

He has pulled a knife on me, a broken bottle, strangled and headbutted me. My kids are grown now and I don't want them seeing these any more plus I fear for my life and theirs too, we deserve better.

Just a few questions for you. pls did you apply for a cross non-molestation against him before the hearing or was it done at the hearing?

I have also spoken to close friends and family about the abuse in the past. At one point a couple of my friend came to get me out of the house. also, my cousin came to rescue me when he pulled a broken bottle on me. Will their statements be accepted during the hearing.

Also, what was the outcome of your hearing? Was it adjourned or was it referred to a higher court?

OP posts:

slipperywhensparticus · 07/06/2019 20:32

Will your children speak up for you?

slipperywhensparticus · 07/06/2019 20:33

Is he trying to get you out of the house? Do you even have any contact with him anymore? What is the purpose of the non mol? Is he claiming harassment?

Original poster

fabbee · 07/06/2019 20:33

@Soconfused84 thnk you, it's such a shame and I can relate with her not wanting to report earlier. there are so many barriers stopping a woman reporting to the authorities. Mine was his family, his career - a record will damage his career, he is the higher earner, my kids- wanted them to grow up in a family unit, which thinking about it now is not the best decision I made. I wish your friend good luck.

OP posts:

mybeebop · 07/06/2019 20:35

You need a solicitor. Call one on Monday and explain you need emergency help and explain your situation.

Original poster

fabbee · 07/06/2019 20:41

@slipperywhensparticus than you. I have been advised that this might be his motive. we still leave in the same house with our kids. there is nothing relating to violence from my side in the application. he stated on the application that I go through his personal things and I take his belongings, that I harass him, also that I shout at him in front of the kids. he was clever with the way he worded his statement. his statement was two lines - so ridiculous. he has nothing on me. I just can't believe he has gone to apply for a none molestation order when I should have done so. I believe he has a motive but I don't know yet.

OP posts:

sincethereis · 07/06/2019 20:41

Don’t have any advice but wishing you the best of luck,OP

Original poster

fabbee · 07/06/2019 20:42

@slipperywhensparticus yes I think so, they always console me when the abuse happens and I have trained them to always speak up and say the truth.

OP posts:

Original poster

fabbee · 07/06/2019 20:43

@sincethereis thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

fabbee · 07/06/2019 20:46

@Satansgourd thank you. I will do that.

OP posts:

Tilikum · 07/06/2019 20:54

I don't have any advice or experience but I just wanted to reply and say that I am supporting you and I really hope the judge sees your hideous ex for the lying monster he is. It's so underhand, and I think there's something especially terrifying about an abusive man using the law and courts, trusted institutions that should defend a victim, as a weapon against you. My heart really goes out to you fabbee

AllAboutHallowsEve · 07/06/2019 20:57

Unfortunately I can't go into too much detail as court actions are still taking place against my ex partner due to his subsequent harassment of me. I've now had to apply for a non mol against him.

What I will say is that the initial hearing may only be brief, say 30 minutes rather than a full fact finding court hearing. But if you do have friends who can provide statements, it might be a good idea to ask them to provide you with these anyway. Arm yourself with every bit of evidence you can get.

FrancesHaHa · 07/06/2019 21:11

I would suggest to contact your local domestic violence service for information on a good solicitor. Not all solicitors are good in this area, and they will know which understand your situation.

Good luck

rammakeen · 07/06/2019 21:27

Hi OP. Please try calling rights of women. They are amazing and will be able to advise you. They're hard to get hold of but you must keep trying!

Original poster

fabbee · 07/06/2019 21:28

Thank yon will do so

OP posts:

Flip

1 2