How do I get over the past? At first my boyfriend of a couple of years was rather needy, resulting in me cutting back from my friends and activities. He was passive-aggressive and made me feel bad, claiming that I do not spend enough time with him and so on. Then he somewhat "punished" me mentally (like sulking) afterwards when he initially agreed with my stuff and so. I do not know even how severe it was, but I felt it was not ok. I tend to be too caring and worried about other people, also, so easy target I guess. I finally put my foot down and things improved. There are also other stuff that I do not feel too good about in our relationship, he lacks some traits I'd like, for example. But overall he is a good, very loving and caring boyfriend, plans things to do, does his fair share in household chores etc. But I keep thinking about the other traits and I'm feeling in limbo whether to continue it. I feel in some points he is really a catch and I've seen he can improve and listen to what I'm telling him. But at the same time, I feel it incredibly hard to get past the previous issues and the feelings inside me, that I actually do not even know anymore how should I behave in the relationship. Currently, it seems fine for him if I hang with my friends or do my stuff, but I do not exactly know when it will not be fine. Whenever a thing comes up (related to my activities or friends), I actually feel frightened deep down and I gather my courage to tell him that I want to go to this or that thing. He now responds normally and is supportive even. So it has improved, I need less time for gathering myself, but I still do it. How do I get past it if I decide to continue the relationship? Should I get past it? It's not easy to talk to him about it, we have had these discussions several times and actually every time I get the impression that we actually want different level of time spent together and that basically he just accepts my level, but is not happy for it inside (it's not what he is telling my directly, but my conclusion). Thus I fear that maybe he blows up at some point if I get used to living the way I want to? It's not like I'm a social butterfly, but I do have a few friends to meet occasionally and things to do during the week. Most of my free time is spent with him, however. I would not mind spending less time together (I'd even prefer it), so this is my compromise to our relationship. He is also insecure in himself and has sort of victim mentality from time to time (I guess it is in him all the time, but recently he has been better at not showing it).
I've read so many stories about nasty relationships and abuse and so that I am so frightened that perhaps if I continue he will turn to absolute abuser also, as I've seen some red flags already. But at the same time, maybe I cannot think clear, because there are absolutely more good times than bad and I really have read sooooo much about abuse that perhaps I'm trying to find the signs.