Can I fall back in love with DH?

[lpmh]

I don't think I love my husband anymore. I'm not sure we were ever that compatible but now after 7 years together, I care about him as in I don't want to hurt him and I care about how he feels but I don't think that's love.

There's been a lot of issues (not exactly abuse although maybe emotional manipulation, no cheating) that have eroded how I feel and he has historically not listened to me about any of these problems.

He's now listening, we're starting couples counselling and he is starting counselling for himself alone too. He is trying to change. We have a child. I feel like I have to give him the chance to do this and really give it my best shot but will I be able to love him? I feel scared that he would be very hurt if I left and it was be such a huge distribution for everyone. If he makes changes perhaps things will be better but I'm afraid I'll never love him and won't have 'enough' reason to leave.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

But it doesn’t sound like you were ever particularly enamoured by with?

I'm not sure we were ever that compatible

If you leave before the counselling, would you leave yourself wondering if you should have tried harder?

If I were you, I would try it, set a timescale in my head, say a year of working at it, and if I still felt the same at that point I could walk away knowing I gave it everything I could.

I believe you can go through a bad patch and get back to loving each other if you’re both committed to trying. If you’re starting couples counselling anyway, maybe worth giving it a try with an open mind?

I wouldn’t stay with someone because there’s not ‘enough’ reason to leave.

You don’t want to be with him is surely enough of a reason in itself?

If you want to leave, get legal advice and find the best method to part ways as amicably as possible.

I did with DH the issues between us lasted at least 3 years possibly more like 4 (he gaslit, emotionally detached, was bloody awful and broke my heart) he only changed when I told him I was leaving.

It's taken 3-4 years through forgiveness to loving to falling in love again.

I think I will always hold a bit of myself back from him now but I really enjoy his company again, miss him when we're apart and he makes me warm inside.

We have a few DC so I am very glad I gave him a 2nd chance.

You're right, I'm not sure I ever was really. I read something the other day that said the red flags you ignore at the beginning are the same reasons you leave at the end. This really resonated with me. We nearly broke up a year in but didn't and then I found out shortly after I was pregnant (was on the pill). This pregnancy ended up very sadly in the stillbirth of dd1. We then decided to have another baby and get married and the grief kind of welded us together. However in honesty there have been issues from the start and here we are.

Yes I was thinking I have to give it my best efforts now he's trying, and we're going to have counselling. A time scale is a good idea.I guess though my heart just isn't really in it, which I feel guilty about. I'm also worried that things will be better in say a year, but that I still won't feel what I should. Then it will be very difficult to leave as I won't have reason too really. I know us breaking up would be incredibly destructive for him, he is really bad at dealing with anything emotional or stressful and I'm scared I'll never have a good enough reason to put us through that.