Tips for getting over a crush?

[NewAccount270219]

I realise that this is quite a trivial problem, but wanted to ask for some advice as it's bothering me. I am in an excellent, happy marriage that I have absolutely 0% desire to blow up - but I have this niggling, small but persistent crush on another man. I tried just ignoring it and hoping it'll go away but it's been preoccupying me for a couple of months now, and last night I had such a vivid dream about this man, which has left me feeling really shaken and guilty this morning. The man is an ex-colleague that I still see at work events and I caught myself thinking 'ooh, X will be there...' about one of these the other day - so I deliberately didn't go, as that really isn't a path I want to go down, but that's not a great long term plan because these events are optional but beneficial for me to attend so I can't just never go. I just want to stop thinking about this man, but I catch myself doing it quite a lot. Any tips on ditching this silly crush?

It's normal, treat it like any other way of obsessing thinking and it will fade.

I don’t know but I’m in the same situation! I try to just see it as a bit of escapism and fun but I do have guilt over it too! I can’t avoid mine either, it’s not an option.

No contact and time. It will fade eventually

OP he is triggering something in you which your partner isn't, have you noticed what is drawing you towards him?

Thanks for the advice - I know you're all right that it'll fade with time, but it's been hanging around longer than I'd hoped and I'd like to speed it on its way!

I don't think it's anything missing from DH, ascertainer - it probably is a bit linked to our current situation (we have an 11 month old, who is a delight but obviously hard work, and of course having him has meant less time for each other). I'm sure it is a fantasy about being back in the first flushes of a relationship, and about having someone who still thinks you're a beautiful mystery rather than someone who has seen a midwife stitch up your vagina and then gone out to buy you haemorrhoid cream for months afterwards! I'm not an idiot, though, I don't actually want to swap all the brilliant things I have for the thrill of the new and for someone to be excited to see what's under my clothes again!

OP I know exactly where you are coming from.
Do you guys go on date nights?
Has ur partner changed towards you?

Connection is vital in any intimate relationship and mostly unconciously we loose it with time and especially when kids arrive. Keep a relationship exciting is a cool way to go.

I was in this situation with a guy I used to work with. Nothing happened. I just saw the feelings as a bit of fun and he got a new job eventually so I didn't think about him as much. I agree that the feelings will probably fade on their own in time.

I still fantasise about my ex and I sometimes have to talk myself out of going to see him. In my imagination, a life with him would be so much better than life with my husband but in reality, we would probably just have a different set of problems. I'm not sure I'll ever get over that crush but I can live with it and there's no point upsetting my husband by telling him how I feel when I don't intend to do anything about it. If it got to the stage that I felt that I had to do something about it, I would consider telling my husband and asking for his help to stop me cheating (I know that probably sounds weird!)

I draw a big distinction between having a crush on someone else (normal, in my opinion, even in happy marriages) and doing something about it (almost always bad).

So, sorry, no specific advice for you but you are not the only one! X

Be very very VERY careful not to swop numbers. It might feel unbelievable at first that you would see him, talk, and that would ever happen.... but these things do and gradually progress. Like...the frog in the boiling water analogy. Just enjoy the fantasy. No harm in that

Time. That's my tip. It will fade. As long as you aren't going to act on it, just enjoy it.

I promise you, NewAccount, this will pass. You might even find, if you see him after a long gap, that you don't really like him much.

It's quite normal to have crushes even when happily married but you just keep them in your head until they fade away - which will happen.