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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling sad

1 reply

Birthdaybluess · 05/06/2019 22:18

Have NC

Don't want to come across as a complete arse when others have bigger problems but am in bed in tears

Background, with DH for 16 years married for 10. Just before got engaged found out he was cheating. He promised would never do again, was so remorseful. Got married 2 years later. All great. Then life got hard. We had a DC, both lost parents, had another DC. At this point we grew apart. Ok ish for few years. I then had huge problems at work. Tipped me over edge and am in antidepressants and veta blockers for anxiety. When work and health got really bad, I found evidence to say he was cheating again. Strongly denied this. I love him so wanted to work at it. He refused counselling. I can't shake idea and have been guilty of bringning up again now weeks later. He also brings up.

I love him so much, he and the DC are my world but am scared he doesn't love me. I'm forever paranoid about I'd he is with someone else. We row a lot because of this. It is my birthday tomorrow. He has made no plans, no effort, did buy me a very expensive present but was zero sentimental value which I really craved after rocky patch. Have come to bed in tears , feeling light a brat and also unloved. Please be kind.

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 05/06/2019 23:14

Flowers Oh OP my friend is going through a very similar thing....right down to the time together, the cheating twice and the poor health.

It's made me so MAD. But my friend, she went for counselling just for herself and has got enough strength to give him a sharp shock.

She's moving into her cousin's house for a month to give herself time to think. Her DH is shell shocked because she's always there and now she suddenly isn't....she's looking after herself.

She's left the DC at home with him saying he can work out childcare.

She's sad about his behaviour but no longer willing to be a doormat. I think if he made a big change, she'd tell him she'll forgive him but this move for her is a precursor to actually leaving him...he knows this and is shitting himself.

All I can suggest is that you seek counselling for yourself in order to find out more about why you're still with this man...it's no good being with someone whose love you question is it? It's torturous...you're always wondering and hoping....and letting him dictate YOUR happiness.

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