So I will try and keep this as short and detailed as I can I'm looking for an outsiders opinions perspective on this.
Met my partner 3 years ago on a dating website. We seem to hit it off, we had both suffered bad break ups from the previous realtionship. Him 6months previous, me 2 months. We spent a lot of time just enjoying each others company so we wasn't alone. Unfortunately I got pregnant after 5 months. Failed IUD that was out of date that i was unaware of. We got on really well so decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. He had bonded with my then 6 year old and was a great guy for him to have around. From the off he was a very unemotional guy, never spoke about his feelings and didnt possess a great deal of empathy. But he was laid back and not a soppy overbearing guy so for me it was great. Background on him - hes dad died when he was 12. He didnt take it very well and even attempted suicide. He then lost both his brothers from his dads previous marriage months apart a few years later after reconnecting with them. 2 serious relationships before myself which both cheated on him and he stayed with them. The last who moved her new fella in there house and chucked him out.
Things were great I had our son and i started to feel that I was unsupported. We started arguing which then he would go to the pub after work and come home gone 8:30 leaving me again to deal with the kids alone and become more resentful. He started up his own business with a friend to secure our future at the same time doing a 9-5 weekday job. Then his own work on the weekends. This started a year and half ago. That i have been left to raise the kids alone. When he came home he would either fall asleep or sit on the playstation for hours on end. Often fall asleep on the sofa and not come to bed. We never did anything as a family or together and for the year and a half we had no money to show for what I had to endure. I am under no illusion that he wanted the best for his family but he couldnt see the damage it was causing to us. I also run my own business and I was expected to look after the kids. Run my business from home. Cook. Clean and be a housewife ontop of that..with no help at all.. the arguments were constant and started to get nasty. Many times we said we work at it but he never made any changes while I was so in the end I would give up and go back to the old ways. What triggered the initial change was me finding out he had been messaging a girl in Australia in the first 5 months before I got pregnant. I found this out a year a half later. They were very emotional messages while he was cold to me. This set off my paranoia and I went from being the cool laid back girlfriend allowing him freedom and to go out with friends and never bother him to stalking every girl on his Facebook and any girl he spoke to. It drove me crazy to the point I was drinking everyday and abusing drugs to try and block it all out. I'd sit up until 2am just to find something to start on him over because I was convinced he was cheating on me. He swore on his sons life he had never touched another woman ( i know he wouldnt do this if he had) but I was already in a downwards spiral from there and hooked on the drink and drugs. Long story short one day I emotional broke down and asked him to leave. It had still been tense, he was always ignoring me and I was always shut away from him in the kitchen. He was in no mood to talk that day so I just asked him to go and I decided to get in contact later in the week to explain we just needed time apart to get our heads together. When I approached him he said well you dumped me it's over. You threw our family away. Of course I got emotional. And over the first 2 weeks slot of hateful messages were passed between us..at the 3 week mark he joined a dating website. I was distrute. We once again argued for him to say I'm single il do what I want, you dumped me, we tried over and over again. I dont see what will change..he told me it was over for now take 6 months and get fixed. He said he still loved me and the boys but he had nothing left anymore. He wanted to start coming over to see the boys twice a week which at first I agreed too then told him wouldnt work because he was looking for another relationship and i wasnt over him and I'd need 6 months no contact with a family member to arrange the handovers until I had delt with the breakup. Which he said no that's not happening that's just selfish of you and he wants to help get me better for myself and the boys. To which I said you cannot be that close in my life if you are looking for another woman. Any how a mutual friend got involved and basically told him he was an arsehole and she would make sure everyone in the local area knew. He was angry I'd spoken out about our private life and told me I was on my own he wanted no more to do with me he would arrange to collect all his belongs ( he still has clothes paperwork ect here after 5 weeks) I decided to leave him be as he was angry and we did not speak for 4 days. Previous to this in had also signed up to the dating site...I didn't want to but I guess I just wanted to try and hurt him back.. he was very active on there constantly logged in never more than a few hours inbetween a session...since I left him alone and havent bothered him. his activity has slowly decreased. Longer periods not going online. Only going one once or twice a day. To him now having not been online for 22 hours... either that he has found someone else..or the lack of communication and the change in my behaviour to what he would normally expect has got him thinking more and has lost a little interest. Speaking briefly yesterday he said he was still angry and just needed time to cool off but would still stick to the plan with the boys. I told him it wasnt either of our faults which he asked me to leave him alone as he was still not very happy.. it's all still very raw at the moment and iv been clean now from everything for 6 weeks so I am trying to think with a clear head and not act irrational and borderline psychotic.... we have both hurt each other alot. But one thing I do know is he loves his family very much...just need some advice really how to move forward with this..i dont need any comments saying he is a arsehole, probably has cheated ect or I'm a discrase I have tortured myself enough for what I did it's been a combination of both our behaviours that got us here. He knows where I stand. But he tells me it's over for now but his actions dont follow through..he doesnt want to cut contact temporary or remove all his belongings and he wants to still come round here twice a week....thoughts please..and by the way we are both emotionally damaged adults, but I understand him and accept him. We share the same hobbies, similar personalities, I dont expect the world from him and iv never put pressure on him to make lots of money ever. I have no expectations and just want him to be him.