Was he emotionally abusive?

[Ohlala19]

Hi everyone

I recently broke up with my partner of 8 years (he left me when I was 20 weeks pregnant) and am looking for some opinions from people outside of my family / friendship groups to give me their thoughts on something.

All of my friends / family believe I was in a controlling and emotionally abusive relationship, but I don't know if they're just reacting out of anger because of what he did to me or if they have a genuine point.

My partner used to always say I was putting weight on, say I was getting a double chin and that it was getting bigger and bigger by the day, force me to go to the gym and get angry / fall out with me if I didn't go, controlled what I ate to ensure I didn't eat carbs or anything he deemed unhealthy, wouldn't let me eat chocolate, ridiculed my choice of outfits, tried to push me into get my breasts enlarged because he preferred the look of them, always told me I was too pale and made me put false tan on, made me work out in the house if I couldn't get to the gym and watched me do it to make sure I broke a sweat / was out of breath, even when pregnant... the list goes on really.

Is this emotional abuse?

Yes. Wanker and you’re well rid. I’m sorry it turned out that way, go live your life and be happy having lost a load of dead weight in this man,

Yes, controlling abuse and emotional abuse in terms of undermining your body confidence. Why would you tolerate someone who doesn't love you for who you are and instead bullies you into being someone you're not?

That aside, it kind of pales into insignificance compared to him leaving you when you're pregnant. That's scum of the lowest order. I hope you're not hoping to get back together. If he couldn't appreciate your beauty before how on earth do you think he's going to react to the various physical after-effects of bearing a child?

He wasn't your partner. He was your torturer.

Oh my goodness, that's truly awful.

Absolutely an emotional abuser. In my opinion, him leaving is the biggest favour he could possibly do for you.

Please be very careful after your baby is born, both for you and the little one. He could well continue attempting to control your life for the next 16 years through your child.

wow, if he did all that to you and you're still unsure if that was abuse then he really did a proper number on you.

It may seem hard thinking of life as a single parent but by the sounds of it, him leaving was the best thing that happened to you, DO NOT TAKE THIS GUY BACK. EVER.

You put up with that for 8 years?!! You poor thing! What a nasty man. Most definitely abuse!

When you describe a relationship with the following words, i think it's quite clear that it's abuse:

Controlled
Force
Fall out
Angry
Wouldn't let
Tried to force
Made me

Thanks for all of your replies. I think I'm only just starting to realise now what kind of relationship I was really in. I feel a lot stronger today knowing that I am not with him and don't have to play to his tune any more. Being able to eat a meal or a chocolate bar and not be judged for it is the best feeling in the world!

Safe to say I don't want him back, I'm saddened however knowing that I will have to have some sort of relationship with him for the rest of my life, for the sake of my son.

I really appreciate all of your comments. It will help drive me forward x

What the other respondents have written.

I would keep your son well away from him going forward. He is not a good example of a human being, let alone a dad, to his child. I doubt very much that such an individual would be at all bothered with his child anyway, such a man would merely use him as a stick to punish you as his mother further with.