How do you improve self worth and stop having abusive relationships?

[twirlypoo]

As the title says really! I had a year of psychotherapy to deal with childhood abuse. I know this is the cause of my low self esteem, but am unsure how to improve it?

I’ve only ever had 4 boyfriends, they were all incredibly abusive (violent, controlling, one was an alcoholic, another was a teacher who left me for a pupil, another a police officer who was caught using escorts at work)

I want to break the cycle. I KNOW these men were bad for me, I knew at the time I deserved better, and yet every single time I stayed. I’m gutted at the moment because my last boyfriend has a new girlfriend (40 years younger than him and a different nationality)

How do I implement what I know rationally? Do you all just have amazing willpower to do what’s right for yourself? I want to inherently have self worth, and I don’t know how to achieve that.

Any suggestions?

I would suggest some reading - Lundy Bancroft - Why does he do that?
Also contact Womens Aid. Ask about their Freedom Programme.
This will really help you to avoid abusive men in the future.
Try to attend the course in person.

I think you replied to my other thread when I had a melt down about my ex - thank you!

Is women’s aid not for women in worse situations then me? I feel guilty - I’ve had so much help already to deal with my past.

Will order that book now!

The freedom program is always recommended on here to help make better decisions in future. You need more help. Dont feel guilty about that. I bet you dont feel guilty about having another course of antibiotics if an infection doesnt clear up. This is the same principle. Womens aid dont ration their assistance.

It is exactly for you OP.
They help you recover and heal from abusive relationships.
Any abusive relationships.
Relatives, husbands, partners......
You've had more than your fair share and you keep going round in circles.
Womens Aid can help you with all of this.
Don't deny yourself the help you deserve and need.

Op when you meet a man ask yourself would l think he is good enough for my precious daughter(even if you don't have a daughter) Or your sister or best friend.

Think of the very best man you could imagine for that person and look objectively at each possible date to see if he measures up..
Is he kind? generous with his time?loving and patient? does he lift you up or put you down? does he make you feel like you can trust him to always put your needs ahead or his?

If you have low self esteem then it is hard to look at it from an objective POV but imagining you are choosing him for your most loved friend/sister lets you be more objective about it.
Don't listen to just what they say, watch what they DO....actions speak louder than words.

No second chances, if he doesn't fully measure up then let him go calmly and look forward, never back...you are worth more.

OP another vote for the freedom programme here.

I’d also suggest some counselling if you can afford, someone who specialises in treating persons from abusive relationships, it can really help.

I’m restarting my therapy and already it’s made a big difference