Dp cheating

[Fuckmyliferightnow]

A while back I suspected my partner was cheating.
I noticed Changes in sex habits, going out more and earlier, phone always by his side, going in the bathroom with his phone and locking the door, msging someone whilst outside smoking and looking over his shoulder. I could see he was msging someone from the window, someone blonde.

I confronted him, I told him I was snooping and made the mistake of saying I found nothing, but am on to him.
His reaction was to put his head in his hands and then said he's never been intimate with anyone else.
I said I want to see his phone so he sat and tinkered with his phone before handing it over, of course I found nothing!
His reaction was odd, he looked gutted and said he was stressed from his new job and didn't notice he wasn't having sex with me.

Since he has blamed my mental health (I have depression and take meds for this)
and he has since picked an argument with me which resulted in him saying we are over we can see who we want now
We "made up", in other words he got me to agree to show him more affection, he does this a lot!
But he knows I don't trust him now and is behaving, but I tried to snoop again and he has changed his facebook password.
This is after he said I can look when ever I like because he has nothing to hide apparently!

I am reading Why does he do that? Because I have suspected for a long time that is a narc and regularly criticises me and verbally abuses me.

I have decided I want to leave but can't yet, I'm starting a new job and will be heavily relying on him and need my car (which I will lose). I don't have family nearby.

My head's in such a mess!

Do you have kids?

Why would you lose 'your' car?

Yes we have Dc aged 8.

Because there is no way he would let me have it.
He paid for it over 5 years so will see it as his, I'm sure of it!

We jointly own our home, not married and I only earn a pittance.
He said in our last argument that this isn't my fucking home.

It is your home, you own half. Who's name is the car in? Words are just words op, he can say what he likes but it doesn't mean jack shit. See a solicitor as soon as you can, get yourself sorted financially and leave him. He is clearly cheating and gaslighting you - using your mental health against you is disgusting.

I don't earn anything, £300 per month, I could never afford a solicitor.
I drive the car and am the registered keeper but I think he owns it because he paid for it.

If I end it he will blame me and everyone (his family) will gang up because I ended it, his shit will never be believed. I am literally on my own!

Changing passwords is a red flag isn't it?

If the car is in your name it's irrelevant if he sees it as his or not. I would get some legal help, see what you are due and sort out leaving. Financially you may be worse off, mentally and emotionally you will be (in time) so much better.

If the car is registered to you then it's yours.Nothing he can do about it.

And yes, changing pass words is a massive red flag.You've seen him messaging a blonde, looking over his shoulder. He said to you he's never been intimate with anyone. Very manipulative.......that is saying that he knows his messaging is inappropriate but because he hasn't done anything he doesn't see a problem. Cheating aside, he sounds like an arse you need to be free from.

You are so right

I am scared of being financially worse off and he will make life hell for me, he is very clever!

But I can't be with him anymore.

He’s most likely cheating, Op.

You deserve better.

There is no way of proving it and any discussions about it get turned around, he just ties me in knots and I end up a pummelled mess!

How do I do this?
He's being all loving and reasonable at the moment.

You are being manipulated.

Just get a free consultation with a solicitor- plenty of them offer such services. Do some research.

Get advice from Women's Aid if you feel under threat.

Work out where you can stay (with a friend?) and pack up the car and leave while he's out at work.

Remember to take passports and documents.

Change your phone number and do not tell him where you are.

Never mind what his family think or say.

Stick to your guns.

Thanks.
I'll ring around.

Not sure what Women's aid could do to help.

I'll look into that.

There is no way of proving it and any discussions about it get turned around

Don’t discuss it. You know what you saw - the trust has gone. Whatever happens now you will know he’s at least a liar and most likely a cheat.

Tell him you’ve lost that loving feeling, it’s not working, it’s not you it’s me. It doesn’t matter, tell him anything or nothing. If you’ve made up your mind that it’s not a good relationship you don’t need permission to leave him. Speak to a solicitor first though, as you may be better off staying in the house rather than move out.

Be careful as this is a tricky time with abusers - they can ramp up to physical abuse when they feel that they’ve lost control. Or go the other way and smother you with love so you don’t leave, which just puts off the inevitable.

Do you have a close friend or family member you can talk to? Someone who can be with you when you tell him? It might be safer and simpler to just leave, if you have someone who can put you up then it might be an idea to do that and just get out of his clutches.

Either way, a solicitor can help with what you’re entitled to. A 0% credit card is your friend here - put all your solicitors bills on there and once you’re free, you can work to pay it off when you have your new job. You can get a brand new lease car for £200 a month - or up can buy an older one outright for that amount over a year or two. If you’re working full time you can afford a car, so don’t let that be the reason you stay.

Okay I'm going have to get smart.

I'll need to pick my moment.

Thank you.