I want to run away

[bearjustwantstosleep]

For a few months now my husband has been regularly emailing an ex girlfriend. She lives abroad, but he has also met up with her when she visited and he completely lied to me, saying they didn't meet. I'm sorry for not explaining very well but I am so exhausted in every way. He kissed me goodnight before and acts as normal but I know what is going on because i see his messages without him knowing.
Our relationship isn't great as last year he had an emotional affair and a kiss with a co worker. I'm struggling to get over it and he is frustrated saying I'm unforgiving. So it's ok then to now do this with ex gf? I suppose it will all be my fault again? WTAF?! sorry for swearing.
I could say a lot more and give more background. ...Problems down the years with his temper and moods and my anxiety as a result. And yes I do want to leave and am trying but it's not easy! Unfortunately family complexities are massively in the way - think illnesses / sen and dependants - but wish i could disappear tomorrow! I really do

He sounds revolting. I'm so sorry you've had a horrible time with him.

I would do the Freedom Programme iiwy. Go along to the groups where you will meet others and also get some good advice from the facilitators. No cost.

There's support out there to get away, you need someone walking alongside you. FP will suggest you contact Womens Aid for advice and support.

Do tell your GP what's going on, then there is a record for future reference should you need it. Plus the GP will be able to pull some strings with the right agencies.

I hope the day comes when you're away from this horrible man and you can begin to live. Roll on that day

Thank you for your advice. I do go for counselling therapy as well which has really helped. I still find the final step of leaving really difficult but I believe it will happen in time.

I tried to understand him but I have given up now.

Do contact the agencies I've suggested above. There's strength in numbers op xxx

Don't waste time trying to understand him he isn't worth the effort
just get rid of him

Just scared of facing all the fall out. We have discussed splitting up but it is more me who wants to for sure. And how can i tell him I know about this recent woman as he will go mad if he knows ive read their messages?!

You are in a strong position here because you know what he's doing and he doesn't know that you know
Do not let him know, not yet anyway
What you need to do is catch him in some lies
keep monitoring him and then trap him into saying things that you know aren't true just keep on doing this eventually he will trip himself up
Or if you don't want to waste time with that shit just dump the fucker

You don't need to tell him you know anything......you need to leave him and get all your paperwork together. Have you got children.....do you have family who can help...do you own your own house....because the worst thing is to live in this toxic environment. GO SEE A SOLICITOR asap and they can give you advise ....do you work....is there savings....does he have a pension....so many things to take in to account. Stay strong think of the lovely life you will have free from him x.

Screenshot and get thee to a solicitor.

When you say he'd go mad, is he violent?

Thank you
He has a temper and will get very angry and swear and shout. And i can't cope anymore it makes me feel panicky and get a fast heart rate. He may well smash an ipad or at least threaten to do so. He never hits me bit shouts and bangs around me. He has history and did push me once and punches doors etc.
He is very good at deflecting and minimising. And counselling has helped me to recognise his behaviours. He edits every situation and just confuses me. And I can no longer trust him

the longer you stay with him the more he will damage you and the harder it will be to find the energy to leave
he is destroying you bit by bit, don't wait around while he finishes the job

who ever else he is involved with will soon dump his sorry arse when they see what he's really like
leave him to crumble while you flourish

I wouldn't bother confronting him then, OP, it's not worth it. There's nothing he can say that will make this OK, and you're living in fear of how he reacts when crossed. Threats and intimidation are domestic abuse (smashing things, throwing things, punching walls and doors are common behaviours. Pushing you is a short step away from hitting.)

Speak to Women's Aid, get a solicitor and make your plans to leave the relationship. The time for discussion is long past.

Thanks for all your advice. I agree, not much point confronting him, but I need to get away from all this.