classic online dating betrayal - or am i being a paranoid fool?

[smokeorfire]

I was on DPs phone so I could email myself photo of me and DCs. And when I started to key in my address the drop down list suggested I might want to email

Mail @messaging.zoosk.com

Zoosk being, obviously, a hookup site. Okay, so I know he gets lots of junk emails for adult dating and similar nonsense. He insists it's spam, I try to believe him.

But this email address on his phone must mean he uses it? Or could it have mysteriously sneaked into his address book (just on his phone) from some more innocent source.

We've been together for over 4 years. After a long time of me stressing about the 'sexy girls' spam he said yes he'd signed up for OLD in the past.

This feels like something that can't be explained away.

Please share your wisdom. I don't want to snoop, waste my energy tailspinning with paranoia or be fobbed off with lies.

I've name changed out of embarrassment, sorry.

Sigh. All seems so ridiculous. But thank you.

Watch his body language when you ask about them. Body language tells you alot. Hope everything works out the right way for you x

Have you done a google search for that email address?

If his email address is siloed to his phone, it's possible the "suggestion" was of a frequent sender, not a reciever.

Thank you princess. You're absolutely right. But I feel I already know what his reaction will be: Denial and anger. He'd wait for hell to freeze over before "admitting" anything. Which is kind of way I'd love a definitive answer about where / how the zoosk email address is there

To clarify... I mean if I was to type "T" into my phone's email app it would come up with a cat sitting service I haven't used for 3 years. However, they have continued emailing me so they still count as a "frequent correspondent".

Hmm tricky one,
I thought that suggested (autofill style) addresses are ones you have previously typed in yourself. I don't get autofill suggestion for spam addresses, or even addresses I have received from but never sent to.

It could be he's registered with the site maybe but nothing more?
If he is messaging people on the site, surely he'd use the actual site, as in message through the messaging service on the other website rather than his own email service.
Also if he's messaging people it wouldn't suggest just "mail@messaging" it would come up with a name.

I'd do a bit more investigation before getting worried.

Furious, so you're saying it could be a spam address? I can see that's possible. Thank you, it would be the best of all answers. Even so, it'd be really nice not to see this rubbish every which way I turn.

Well it wouldn't be spam per se - he'd have have to joined the site - but it could easily be something from years ago.

I still get the ocassional mail now from POF and I think I joined that in 2007. (And never went back because it was full of cunts LOL)

DpWm, I'm finding it tricky for sure! If he's registered with the site then there's no "just" about it for me ... I've never done OLD so I don't know how the messaging works, but all this smoke suggests there's a fire somewhere. Either way, feels like I should just file it under "reasons for paranoia" for now. Thank you for your counsel; saves me going off the deep end ...

I have lots of spam mail from old OLD sites I've used in the past - it filters to trash so I have no need to do anything about it. HOWEVER, if I had a partner, and they noticed it once and were upset, I would have gone online and properly shutdown/deleted my accounts. The first time they were upset. So it would never have happened again. I don't think I'm unusual in that way.

Ask him why he hasn't done that.

the fact he gets angry when you question him - he's showing how he will respond to disagreements, and is trying to intimidate you into not disagreeing or questioning him. That is not a nice trait.

When did Zoosk become a hook up site? Was an OLD site in my day.

I still get messages from POF and I haven't been there for at least 6 years. Also if I type a single letter in my email "send to", I get suggestions for business contacts from more than 10 years ago. I don't even know how to delete them from that list.

So I would not worry yet

I don't think he'd be emailing [email protected]. That wouldn't go to a specific person. It's a generic address.

It sounds like it could be spam according to this:
www.email-report.org/email/[email protected].

Maybe he sent an "unsubscribe" message to that email address so it would then pop up as a suggested email address?

I get messages from zoosk, I signed up on it last year but haven't been on for months.
Unless you delete your profile or unsubscribe it keeps mithering you
So he's probably got a profile on there, it's whether or not he's using it you want to find out

Christmasfluff, your idea of "not a nice trait" is exactly right; he hates these conversations and will close them down with anger as fast as he can. It makes resolution of anything, at least for me, really difficult.

I can see that this address is perhaps just a leftover from the past. But it's tricky to convince myself of that and let it go. It feels like all these scattered pieces of "evidence" are telling me something.

He tells me not to "worry", but I don't feel particularly worried, it's the sense of being lied to that is so unsettling. I can't imagine he's too keen on being hounded for an answer to what is perhaps an impossible question.

Sorry, I'm rambling. I really appreciate your thoughts and experiences, they're helping me keep my cool. Thank you.

Oh, and of course I asked if he'd deleted / deactivated his OLD profiles etc and he claims variously that he can't remember / has forgotten his passwords / doesn't know. Sigh.

It might just be spam.

Check the sent box and deleted box

Check the browser history on his phone.

Is zoosk app on his phone?

Is it really meant to be this difficult OP?

Maybe it would be better to be with someone you trust? Who knows how to handle your worries without making them tailspin?

Have you had this kind of worry/suspicion with othe partners or is it just with him?

Of course he hasn't forgotten his profile passwords!

I would download tinder and see if he's on there!

You can create a fake profile and go catfishing too!

The last thing I want to do is start hunting him down or trawling through sites in hope of catching him out feels so miserable and pointless. As rvby says it really shouldn't be like this. It's not his job to reassure me, nor mine to police him, but this sense of nothing feeling straightforward or easy is just so destructive. What a way to feel tangled up in lies and defensiveness x