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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fancy my DH's friend..

3 replies

getmeacupoftea · 04/06/2019 21:37

I have a perfect husband in nearly all aspects. he's a gorgeous dad to our young kids. From the outside, looks like nothing is wrong.

I love him dearly, he's is my absolute best friend.

But, there is no passion, excitement or adventure in our relationship. It's been this way for years. He's quite happy in his spare time to sit, watch telly and eat till he falls asleep. Every single night, regardless of what I try to initiate. We rarely have sex, and when we do it's disconnected, like a chore. He still assures me he loves me, but we never do date nights or loved up things. His go-to when we have free time is "what do you wanna watch?" And it does my head in. He never particularly tries with birthdays/anniversaries, I always have to make my own birthday arrangements. I have spoken to him lots about it, he tells me he'll try harder but nothing ever changes.

I think maybe i should cut him some slack as we do have two young children and we are both tired all the time. But I'm getting those scary thoughts of "am I happy or am I just settled?" We've recently gotten close to one of his friends, and I have to be bluntly honest in saying I'm attracted to him, and find myself thinking about him. I'm cringing whilst I type here.

I feel like the biggest selfish bitch but I'm really struggling to re-ignite the spark in my marriage. Has anyone come out of a phase like this in your marriage? I hope it's a phase, as I want to be passionate with my husband again but don't know how anymore. And how do I stop thinking about this friend?

OP posts:
shitpark · 04/06/2019 21:57

Ok, take it easy on yourself. It's perfectly normal to fancy other people. Most of us can stop ourselves acting on it. I must fancy two or three men at the moment, but not in a relationship, and not going to act out my fantasies either. It's human nature.
Also, why do you wait for your DH to make plans? You could make them.

kbPOW · 04/06/2019 22:04

Also, why do you wait for your DH to make plans? You could make them. oh ffs.

I hear you OP. How long have you been together? Did he used to be better? The friend is a red herring really - just shining a light on how unfulfilling your relationship is.

getmeacupoftea · 04/06/2019 22:22

I've tried lots of times to make plans. On the ones he does go on, he's just not present, and wants to get home

OP posts:
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