7 week old baby and relationship failing

[inbetweenemo]

If I left my partner, would I be legally obliged to allow him overnight stays with our child at this age? He's a good dad so I'd be more than happy for him to look after DC but I'm not ready to be away from him overnight yet and currently every time he cries in my partners care he gives him to me so naturally overnight would worry me.

The most he's had him alone is an hour.

I don't know the answers to your questions but I reckon that's not what you should be worrying about right now. You've got a tiny baby and are thinking of ending your relationship. Do you have a home that's yours and some money? Do you have family to support you? Good luck.

I think no, you would not be obliged to offer stays overnight until the child is weaned, especially if you offer some regular daytime contact. The child's best interest is given the most weight in the decision.

Having a baby puts huge stress on relationships - not sleeping, worrying about the baby, money problems possibly, no sex etc. You haven't said why you want to leave, but if he's not abusive I think that this isn't the time to be making big decisions about your relationship. Could you ride out the difficult time? It might all look better when you've had a proper sleep.

The answer is probably no, you wouldn’t have to let him have the baby over night for a while. Is the father on the birth cert? Either way you don’t have to let him have the baby at all. He can’t force you without a court order. No matter the court most likely wouldn’t allow over nights just yet.

I’m just wondering how good a father your DP is if he hands the baby over to you whenever he cries. Doesn’t sound like that great of a father, sounds a bit of a shirker if you ask me.

I believe I'm correct in saying if you are breastfeeding then you can say no.

But as others have said having a new baby is an incredibly stressful time. Try to communicate with your partner. Speak to your HV if you feel you can.

You haven't said why you want to leave, but if he's not abusive I think that this isn't the time to be making big decisions about your relationship.

What the PP said. I made this mistake. I was sleep deprived and hormonal; it wasn't pretty. I was miserable and left.

Having a baby puts major strains on a relationship but it won't always be that way. One day you will be feeling better and baby will be easier to care for - make your decision then, not now (unless he's abusive etc). I wish I'd had ridden it out because I'm fine now (baby is now 7 months) yet I no longer have the opportunity to make things right as he's with someone else.

To answer your question, my ex had my daughter at night from 12 weeks and that was still too early imo. He'd bring her back after 2 nights and she would be very unsettled, which I found upsetting. I wish I'd waited until she was 5 or 6 months. Saying that, I think it has helped her adapt quicker and easier in comparison if we started doing it later. Wait until at least 16 weeks before you let her go because the first few months are hard!

For the sake of your child, I hope you can resolve things with him.

Thanks for all your comments I'm sorry I haven't been back it's been a busy time. I have decided to leave and already feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I wanted to leave because ever since I got pregnant he changed and has been very emotionally, verbally and financially abusive and I know I am a fool for not leaving sooner and I don't really have an excuse besides being naive enough to believe things would improve but the names he has called me since I've given birth are disgusting and I can't allow my child to grow up thinking it's the norm. He also said he was going to hit me twice during my pregnancy (I know I'm an idiot, I'm sorry).

I posted a lot about the problems during my pregnancy and the general response was that I needed to leave - I should have listened.

I've spoken to my health visitor and she said I don't have to do anything I'm not comfortable with and as he hands the baby back to me all the time she doesn't think it would be wise to leave baby with him for too long just yet anyway.

I am happy for him to see baby for a couple of hours or so even daily for now and definitely when baby is a bit bigger I'm happy to negotiate night stays/longer times etc. I'm absolutely not trying to take his child away, I just don't want to be with him anymore.

Does anyone have any advice for what I can do now? I'm currently staying with my parents but need to get my own place with baby and as I'm on maternity I don't know how I'm going to manage financially for now😔 any help or advice would be amazing. Thank you x

You could apply for social housing?

I would suggest you let him make all the effort and arrangements to see the baby. If you are breast feeding (and actually, at this age, even if you are not) the norm is to have short periods frequently as baby needs to be close to their mum. An hour at a time would be enough.

I am not saying make it difficult for him, but he needs to decide what level of commitment he has. If he is abusive he should never be left alone with the baby.

How is he a good dad?
IMO good dads don't bully and threaten their child's mother.

I'm not eligible for social housing unfortunately. I guess I need to have another chat with the HV to see what help I'll be entitled to whilst on maternity leave.

I understand what you mean about him not being a good dad based on how he's treated me and tbh that's what scares me. Without sounding dramatic if he can lose him temper so bad with me could he do it with baby?

I feel so relieved to have finally left but I am panicking now about what the future holds in terms of housing.

Let this relationship fail, OP. You are doing the right thing to leave!

Is there a particular hurry to move out of your parents' house?

I honestly feel so glad to have left him, I'm quite an emotional person and I have cried so much trying to fix this but since I left I haven't cried or even considered going back once. I'm so utterly over it.

I can stay at my parents for a while, I think they'd be happy for us to stay for a few weeks.

I wonder if there's any chance he will pay anything towards baby now that we've split. We haven't even spoken, he refuses to let me speak and just calls and texts with abuse and tells me to shut up as soon as I open my mouth to try and sort things (house, baby visiting). He's impossible.

He sounds absolutely vile.