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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is going on with this guy

21 replies

Sarahcoleman1984 · 04/06/2019 19:12

What is going on with this guy?
Please be gentle.
Me and a guy seem to get on well. Once we have said and done the necessary things that need to be done, we end up chatting for a while, at least an hour. We text each other here and there about random stuff but he isn't always the quickest to reply.
He seemed disappointed when I said I would move closer to home if the opportunity arose.
He knew I was angry a couple of months ago with someone, despite me saying I was ok, he saw right through me and sat with me and calmed me down. (Despite me putting a guard up making out I was ok) Recently something strange happened... I got a text from him a few weeks ago apologising for seeming awkward towards me before I left our conversation and he thought I felt uncomfortable, because as I looked up he was just staring at me. I honestly didn't pick up that he was staring.
Anyway I text him back and we became quite flirty, lasting right into the early hours. I did ask him where this came from and within the conversation he said that we do get on, just didn't realise. When we next saw each other it was clear he wanted to talk to me in private but it seemed that other people who were around at the time kept following him like a lost puppy dog. Eventually he just waited around near me until these people decided to leave. We spoke and he said 'see where this goes' A couple of weekends ago he seemed odd with me when I text him and I didn't think I would hear from him again until I see him next week ( I'm away) How wrong I was, he asked if I was still in the UK at the start of last week, if I am excited and Friday we were texting back and forth for hours, ( even though I was a tad piddled) and I almost told him how I felt but instead said I was worried I would scare him off, drink was talking wait until I am sober. He even said he'd speak soon after saying night. He wanted to know who I had gone away with. I asked him if he fancied going for coffee at some point and he said he wasn't sure when but possibly and would let me know when he is free.
I feel like I am getting mixed messages, I don't want to do the chasing but feel like I am subtly hinting I like him to give him the nudge.
There is nothing stopping either of us from getting it on.
What is going on?

OP posts:
TwistedBiscuit · 04/06/2019 19:14

Once we have said and done the necessary things that need to be done

Is this a euphemism? Confused

NeatFreakMama · 04/06/2019 19:17

I think if he wanted to be with you then you'd be together. Agree with PP, is that a euphemism? If so then maybe it's just a booty call situation.

Moralitym1n1 · 04/06/2019 19:48

I think.she works with him and is referring to work things (?)

Holdthedamndoor · 04/06/2019 19:54

You posted all about this last week.

It's the guy from work.

Everyone told you that he thinks you are someone to text when he is bored. Likes a bit of sexting and maybe a fumble at work.

He isnt looking for anything long term.

Not sure what advice we can give that's different to last time.

Holdthedamndoor · 04/06/2019 19:55

Oh and also disnt you keep avoiding the question about wether he was single? And wether you were single?

Plipplopbop · 04/06/2019 20:27

You're building this up in your head. There's been the same advice on your other thread. I assume he is involved with someone as you avoid answering that question. Walk away, you are a cheap thrill, you won't get the love story you're dreaming of, sorry OP

CarolsBiggestFan · 04/06/2019 20:32

He’s not into you, he’s just passing time.

Top tip - if he was interested in you, you wouldn’t be wondering, analysing and asking if he was or wasn’t.

Youwantshoesinashoeshop · 04/06/2019 20:47

Well... that all sounds too complicated to be anything meaningful. Sorry :( person likes person, people meet, non-euphemistic things happen. Anything else is just window dressing.

Sarahcoleman1984 · 04/06/2019 21:00

No we don't work together but regulary meet up with several other people in a book club type thing......another words once we've talked about our current book we stay chatting.
Not sure who you're referring to but you've got the wrong end of the stick.

OP posts:
Holdthedamndoor · 04/06/2019 21:06

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3594823-Think-Ive-messed-up

So this isnt you?

Big coincidence. Even down to the 'see where it goes', flirting texting out of nowhere and you now being away.

Well if it's not you, theres lots of good advice on this thread.

happybunny007 · 04/06/2019 21:50

So you’ve basically asked him out by asking him for coffee, and he’s said he’ll let you know?

You leave it there. Let him do the running, if he wants to.

Princessfaffalot · 04/06/2019 21:57

@Hold I think it’s the same poster too.

SparklyMagpie · 04/06/2019 22:13

@Holdthedamndoor yeah I agree with you as well

PennyStocks · 04/06/2019 22:18

I asked him if he fancied going for coffee at some point and he said he wasn't sure

He's not exactly falling over himself to spend time with you, is he? I'd move on. I'm sure you can do better.

overdrive · 04/06/2019 22:21

It's quite amusing when posters seem to genuinely think we're as naive as they are.

C0untDucku1a · 04/06/2019 22:23

He is not interested.

If someone’s messages are mixed, stop bothering.

overdrive · 04/06/2019 22:23

Right down to the looking up and he was staring. When your top rode up, yes? 🙄

Hotpinkangel19 · 04/06/2019 22:32

🙄🙄🙄

ReanimatedSGB · 04/06/2019 22:47

He's not interested. He may be simply a friendly sort of person and you are mistaking friendliness for flirting, or he might be one of those men who feeds his ego by getting women to think he is interested so he can recoil, squealing in horror and insisting he 'never meant to lead you on' when the woman finally bites.
Either way, he's not actually interested in you. Don't waste any more time on him outside your social group, and don't keep trying to 'get closer', you're going to come across as desperate.

LellyMcKelly · 05/06/2019 05:58

If he was interested he’d have asked you out by now.

ChristmasFluff · 05/06/2019 07:54

Mixed messages always mean, 'I like the ego boost but I don't like you enough to go out with you.'

A more interesting question is what is going on with a person who spends ages analysing the actions of man who hasn't even asked her out. Once you are over 18 there's really no excuse (I say that as someone who did it regularly into my late 20s).

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