Passive aggressive mil please advise

[rainbowgirl80]

I'm just wondering how to deal with my mil who often makes passive aggressive remarks to me.

My mil will do anything for anyone and is very well liked by a lot of people. Me and DH share a lot of friends and they're always telling me how lucky I am to have such a great mil. I got on very well with her until me and DH fell pregnant.

Unfortunately that pregnancy wasn't successful but mil couldn't get around the fact me and DH wanted that baby but was more upset the fact we hadn't told her I was pregnant and then advised me on contraception. DH was right beside me at the time claimed he didn't hear what she said so I second guessed myself and thought maybe I misheard her as nobody could be that cruel.

We now have 3 children and no matter how nice I am to her she always has a cutting remark to say. I tell her how dd took her first steps (as far as I was concerned they were her first steps) but mil goes well actually she took a few steps when I had her the week before. Not a big deal if she did but could she not just have said that's nice?

DS fell and split his chin open and I brought him into hospital. She tells me how I should have been watching him yet when she had 2 of my dc, dd got her hands on a bottle of bathroom cleaner mil was using and never once did I make mil feel bad and even acknowledged she must have got a fright when she saw her with it.

Just this weekend gone we had MIL over for dinner and I served up steak for the adults and homemade beef burgers for the kids. DH went into the kitchen to get more wine and I said to MIL what do you think of the steak and she goes to me as a mother I would have given my dc the steak and had the burger myself when they were younger.

I've spoken to DH about how her remarks make me feel like a rubbish mum. DH says I need to stand up to her but I'm not sure how without causing a huge conflict.

Other times she has made a few remarks in front of others when shes has drink on her and again no one says anything. Instead they down play it to the fact she's been drinking.

The thing is ds is older now and picks up on conversations and I do not want him thinking it's ok for mil to put me down.

I hate confrontation whereas mil has no problem with confrontation. Any advise would be really welcome please. Thanks

@RompeCabezas has nailed it. 'Sorry MIL, I must be mistaken because it seems like you are implying I am a bad mother'
'No of course not'.
'Oh good, glad I am wrong about that'

Re: the steak/burger comment, you could say “that’s your personal opinion, mine is different” and say that to everything she says. Personally I hate steak and LOVE burgers, my kids won’t touch steak so in fact, me eating the steak would be the height of sacrifice for my kids. Remember whatever she’s saying is her own personal opinion and not the Law. Start challenging back and play The Opposite Game. Everything she says, say the opposite and see what happens. Start with “oh that’s weird. My opinion is totally different to yours”

Why did you ask your MIL what she thought of the steak? You must have known that there would be an answer you didn't like! She sounds unpleasant, though, how often are you seeing her?

My MIL isn't unkind, just the opposite (she does make apparently negative comments to my DH sometimes), but she and I have always had a difficult relationship because we're so different; we disagree on virtually everything, she's a strong Brexit supporter for example. We don't live near her so she only comes to stay with us twice a year, though we see her when we visit my BIL and SIL and their DC, who live much nearer her.

I think maybe you should think about limiting the number of visits, or not always going yourself; you really don't have to put yourself through this.

And I agree with PPs that your DH should be speaking up for you to his mum.