Help i'm at my wits end, i've been with my partner for nearly 11 years i am 28 we have a 5 year old son and live together,
we never had one argument for 9 years of our relationship i was happy and we had good trust, i got friends about 3 years ago and things slowly started going down hill about a year after that, i was on the phone to friends and seeing them once a weekish and i think he got jealous of sharing me, i also got a job 10-5, anyway things slowly started creeping in like he would message me when i was at work saying your facebooks still active are you sure your at work etc. he started asking me to send him a picture every dinner time, he was asking me to keep receipts if i was out with friends and he would be really moaning if my battery died or i didnt text back straght away.... the thing is though he always used to apologise afterwards say im a dickhead im sorry i dont deserve you so i got on with it... well it started getting me really wound up that he was saying why am i on the phone so much and accusing me of not texting back when im with friends etc. so i basically ended all my relationships with friends by saying i havent got time and basically blamed them :( , so it was back to just us again this was around october, we went to haven for our sons birthday and i couldnt help but feel a bit down like there was something wrong because he was making slight digs that hurt me like saying i was looking at other men and when we went to the swimming baths watching our son on a pedal boat thing he was really quiet then as soon as we came out he said why didnt you ask that lifeguard for his number you was staring at him taking his top off, so that ruined my holiday i just couldnt lift my mood but he expects me to forget about it and move on, so we got back home and thats when it started getting worse, he'd accuse me of looking out of the car window at every man going past, or looking at men when were walking round supermarkets, he started taking control of me a bit making me feel like i cant look up but when i put my head down says your just trying to make it look like i beat you up or something, so then it started at home, we live in a flat one floor up a maisonette and ive always been nosey if i go to the sink in the kitchen id nosey out of the window as im sure many do and he does, he started accusing me of looking for a certain someone, then he started accusing me of coming in the kitchen to make tea at a certain time every day, my son has always had a routine of tea around half 4 but he thought i had a different reason for it that i was waiting so that i could see someone or they could see me, even bending down to go the oven he was moaning at and bending down in the front room to pick toys up etc. so i had to start trying to make tea at different times but every time became an issue because hed see someone look in our window while im in the kitchen, ive always defended myself and told him theres no reason to think id cheat and i cant stop people looking into our flat, we ended up getting blinds in the kitchen so he knew i wasnt looking out but he started saying i was looking through the gaps, its just a vicious circle he accuses me off opening the front room curtains when he goes for a wee and literally all i do is sit in the front room where he can see me i get accused off looking through the reflection in the tele at people outside, i just cant win, he has accused me of cheating with his family, friends and strangers, people look in our direction and he goes mad and says its me their looking at, he got it into his head that i get people to follow him if im not there like he will go out and see people acting dodgy and looking at him or there's a car he recognizes around him or he will be in tesco watching everyone and if theres a man without a basket on his own he thinks they are there watching him or us, if i go to my mums he thinks i sneak out to see this other person and hes ringing me saying of this mans just gone out i wonder where hes going, he gets angry hes never hit me but he punches himself, doors and says he is going to smash peoples head in that looks our way, ive took him to a&e mental health twice and they dont do much because he seems calm when hes there when 2 hours previous i tried to walk out on him and hes chasing me with his car saying hes going to crash it into a tree in front of our son too, hes said to me before hes going to take an overdose if i dont tell him the truth and i said what do you want me to do lie to keep you alive? he has bursts of outrage and has been referred to anger management and on anti depressants, he also smokes weed and ive begged him to stop but he doesnt think thats the reason for this, he thinks im trying to pull the wool over everyones eyes because they believe me, i cant clean my home, i panic having a bath incase he thinks im doing something wrong, i cant go out on my own, i cant sit on my phone without getting accused of messaging people, i dont have facebook so he thinks i have a secret one but i actually deleted mine cos i cant be bothered with the hassle, he wakes up every morning and sees things so he'll say why has the sponge moved or why is it wet have you had a wash (he thinks i sneak out in the night to cheat because thats the only time i possibly could) he says his deodorants been used, his toothbrush has moved, his backy and weed has got a lot less than it had last night (i dont smoke any only an ecig), he has stains on his clothes he thinks i get this other man to wear his clothes in the night, literally loads of stuff has moved overnight apparently and i always say to him that i dont know why and it annoys him but what else can i say if i genuinely dont know why? he thinks people come in our home where our son is and he is asleep while i have sex in the same flat as them!!! hes called me a dirty bitch, a dick sucking machine, slag, disgusting but i havent even done anything wrong i cant leave because he will kill himself if i go to ring the police he would do something to himself so i am stuck i know if i left he would probably stalk me and im worried about the aftermath i have anxiety so i worry about everything, i worry about telling my mum the whole truth because i dont want her to worry about me, i hate the fact that if i go to leave he says its so i can go and be with this other person when there isn't one..... he said i make an effort when i go out with my mum or to my brothers work when i help out but i don't at home, i wear the same clothes as i do at home and have the same amount of make up on its just if i have my hair down and straight when i'm not with him he thinks its for someone else, same as if i was to put tan on or anything he would think it was for someone else, i cant do anything to please him anymore, i don't even like going for a wee because he says that i time it to perfection, he thinks i do morse code through the window to someone to tell them i'm going to sleep or going out etc (i sleep on the sofa near him and he wakes me up when hes going to bed at about 3/4am anyway)........ i just don't know if hes doing it on purpose or hes genuinely mentally unwell? he really does believe i live a double life and there's nothing i can do to stop him thinking it.