WWYD if you thought your boyfriend was posting threads on here, posing as a woman?

[Fidgetwonkam]

Just that really?
When I mentioned to the man I’m dating that I use Mumsnet quite often, he said something like, ‘I hear that’s a very good forum for women to get advice!’
Something about the way he said it sounded strange. And since then I’ve seen a few threads about situations VERY similar to mine, with regards to ex husbands, new partners, relationship worries... 🤔

I’m probably just paranoid, but I feel like playing him at his own game, just in case! 😂

What would you do?

Nothing. It's a public forum, open to everyone.

It depends on whether he's using it 'in good faith', ie wanting genuine advice but asking as a woman because quite often the advice can be more positive towards women on here, or whether he's doing it for underhand or manipulative purposes.

If he's getting good advice and using the advice to make good decisions then I would leave him to it. If he's doing it to shit-stir or to manipulate you, then why would you want to continue dating someone like that anyway.

I would ask him.

Everyone sees parallels on here - empathy often from personal experiences is why we post, read and help. Unless he says Mumsnet says you should do 'x y or z' I would just live your life and judge him on real life things 😂

Yes, he is free to post whatever he likes. It’s just that I feel he might be trying to gain influence from Mumsnet on subjects we don’t agree on. It feels a bit manipulative.

But I have no proof and I’ll sound very paranoid if I ask him outright... maybe I am! 😳

Unless you have proof he's doing that, and won't ask him, then I don't know what to suggest. I get the impression the relationship is not going well.

It’s just that I feel he might be trying to gain influence from Mumsnet on subjects we don’t agree on. It feels a bit manipulative.

Is he usually manipulative? What is giving you that feeling?

I wouldn't see someone that I was dating again if I felt they were trying to manipulate me.

Thanks for your replies.
Perhaps I do have doubts about the relationship and that’s why I’m thinking like this.

But if you think he's posting on here, then won't he see that.

AND if you think he is gaining influence from people on here, on subjects. Isn't that what you are doing now?

I'm confused.

I’d start a thread about it on the for so he’d know he’d been rumbled.

I would report to mnhq and ltb for being creepy.

Have you a poster in mind that has these threads posted or is it because you can relate to some threads and makes you paranoid?

I'd think that was very odd alright.

Lots of situations that people would post about are common to men and to women,but posting from the perspective of a woman when you're male is a bit of a headscratcher. {pondering what it means}

Even giving that the most positive interpretation I can it seems like he wants confirmation that your responses, decisions, choices, reactions etc are reasonable?

I would say the last thing I would do would be to start a thread under my normal user name, describing my suspicions and a conversation he would remember. Because then he would know I'd cottoned on, and know my user name.

I don’t really post very much. Very rarely in fact. I used to post prolifically on another forum a long time ago (different user name) but then I decided I didn’t want to give that much information over the Internet.

I’m possibly just over thinking!

It’s more the situations and the style of writing that’s made me suspicious

You don’t want him to be able to advance search your username ask see every comment and thread you’ve ever started!

I have nothing to hide

I think if I thought that, and that he was doing it in order to manipulate me, I'd chuck him. Because that won't be the only weird and creepy thing he does, for sure.

I think you're probably paranoid.

What man would bother, honestly

They are generally convinced of their own rightness anyway , and wouldn't value the opinions of internet laydeez

If I seriously thought that, then I would probably finish the relationship as

a. it's super weird, definitely not ok and I wouldn't want to be with someone like that AT ALL

b. if you're seriously considering he might be doing that then you think he's capable of being a total weirdo which means that from your experience of him so far, you've seen behaviour that potentially puts him in that category!

I would end the relationship if I thought I was being manipulated like that.

Spell it out for us, OP, as I'm sure I'm not the only one who's unclear.

Is he posting his own problems and dilemmas, but pretending to be a woman?

Is he posting your problems and dilemmas, but doing it from your point of view, and you suspect he's trying to get ammunition to use against you, i.e. look how unreasonable you're being, everyone on this thread says so?

Is he posting about people you know in situations that don't really affect you or him, just for fun/curiosity?

If it's the first or last scenario, I don't see a problem, other than the fact that he's potentially wasting people's time on here by soliciting advice that he doesn't intend to use. If the second, that would obviously be a problem, yes.

This is all dependant on your suspicions being correct, of course! In reality, I do tend to see the same kinds of problems being posted over and over with only slight variations. I don't think most people's issues are all that unique!