Genital Numbness and pressure from OH

[StripeyLeopard]

Have NC for this. Quite embarrassing.

I have been experiencing numbness in my private area on and off for a while now with it now seeming permanent. Have seen a health care professional who thinks it's not serious at this stage but has given me a few things to try.

The other problem I've got is a mismatched sex drive with my OH. I'd happily be 1/2 a week atm due to parenting a toddler and working etc. He'd happily everyday. So the whole time we've been together I've been making myself do it way more than I'd naturally like. Im worried this has caused numbness.

I told my OH after my appointment yesterday that they're told me I need to spend time to myself relaxing and trying to be less tense. He spoke to me this morning saying he's been thinking about things and wants me to feel more relaxed and less under pressure. I said it might be nice to leave it a few more days and see if the numbness has improved. He's come back to me sulking saying he didn't think I'd want to leave it that long. I've told him many a time about my sex drive.

He has trust issues, not my doing, and I've tried to reassure him as much as possible but this is also pushing me away. I feel used and so upset.

Just need to vent really.

I recently had a colposcooy and my boyfriend must have asked 100 if I was OK when I wanted to have sex.

Yours is a twat.

I feared you would say that. I hope you are okay

Does he care about your happiness at all? Or just his own pleasure?

Genital numbness could potentially be serious. I know you've seen a HCP but you may need a second opinion.

Sorry, but any man who pressures his partner to have sex is a twat. You don't have to validate his insecurities by subjecting yourself to sex that you do not want. Tell him to go and have a wank.

Your partner is horrid. He couldn't care less about your needs. Why are you with him?

It all points to it all being about him. I understand about different sex drives which is why I compromised to meet him in the middle which he has generally been okay with. I just fear that forcing myself like I have been has caused any sex drive I had to diminish in to nothing. I can't remember the last time I wanted it for myself rather than panicking what will happen if I don't.

He knows all of this and then complains that there is lack of passion.

The constant asking of questions, who had text me, what I'm doing at what time, why is this there or here. I feel like I'm going crazy. He's so miserable all the time. I feel like just walking away.

He's totally selfish and unrealistic, too. He is putting himself first every single time.

What do you think your life would be like if you lived separately?

I'm no healthcare professional but numbness makes me think something neurological maybe in your spine...

@Readytogogogo thank you for your concern. She's given me the leaflet for the syndrome as it was a pelvic physio I saw and she checked all the other things and is happy it's not that.

I had to have a finger up my bum too which wasn't great but obviously necessary. Just feel like I don't want to be touched right now.

@ncqtime yes it is possible as I also historically suffer with nerve problems.

"The constant asking of questions, who had text me, what I'm doing at what time, why is this there or here. I feel like I'm going crazy. He's so miserable all the time."

This kind of behaviour is called coercive control. It is a well-recognised form of domestic abuse.

You dont have to have sex because he has issues. He needs to work on them himself. Focus on you. Because he aint (focusing on you)!

Personally i’d be more worried by the numbness. ( though he is being a complete prick and should be worried too)

Have you had an mri ?

How is it coercive control?

The questioning like...
Where have you been?
Who were you with?
Who is calling/texting you?

It's like an assumption that they own you and you have no right to your own life or private communications. It's a big red flag for controlling behaviour. And the pressuring for sex.

Have you seen a specialist? had an MRI scan - genital numbness can be an indication of a very serious spinal condition such as Cauda Equina that needs urgent treatment. DD had this as a result of spinal disc ruptures and had an urgent MRI scan to see if emergency surgery was needed.

But yes - your oh is being very controlling and putting his wants before your medical situation.