husband texting escorts

[JaneS28]

Hi everyone,

A couple of months ago I went to visit a friend, who lives a couple of hours a way, for a night out and to stay over. My daughter was away on a school trip so thought that it would be nice if i got my mum to have my two boys overnight so that my husband could enjoy a night out and sleep in the next morning.

A couple a days after returning home i went to go on the family ipad and noticed in the history he had been searching adult sites and at stupid hours in the morning. I then checked his phone google search history and found the same. I confronted him and from this I have found out that he has been doing cocaine for the past few years and that is when he looks at those site. I can't believe I hadn't noticed that he took that stuff.
Anyway it was eating away at me so I decided to find his log in details to his phone network and check his calls and text history and bank accounts. Also on the morning I was due home I spoke to him at 10:15 and when I asked where he was he said he had got on the train into Town to sort out some work (this was a Sunday morning by the way)
I saw that on the Saturday night, after dropping our boys off, he had taken £100 out, which I assume was for his coke, but then I noticed that he had taken another £100 out at the train station at 10:30 in the morning. When I have looked at his phone records around 10am and 11am the numbers he had been texting were to escorts who were based in the area that he was in at that time.
I then looked back at phone records from October last year when I took the kids away with friends to see if he had text them then and he had done, once around 2am and again 3am.

With all of this information I confronted him again and he denies going through with anything and the only reason why he was texting them was because he was high and had not slept all night. I told him that was it and he had to leave but my 9 year old daughter heard us arguing and got so upset about the thought of us splitting up, saying all sorts of stuff, so I told her that it won't happen.
We have not had the best relationship recently as I would get annoyed with him as he is always telling lies about silly little things, but i'm assuming now that is because of the coke, and he never has any conversation with me.
I am so annoyed with him as I have gone on and on at him about his lying and the fact that we never have normal conversation together.
I don't know what to do and I can't speak to any of my friends or family about it.

Apologize to your dr, say you were just trying to reassure her, but you can't make promises like that.
Then put his lying ass out

To your dd*

So what are his good points?

I tried to explain to her again but I hate seeing her get so upset. She says that I can leave him when she has left school which is another reason why I'm still here is as my children go to paid school and the thought of taking them out and away from there friends just kills me, as we definitely wouldn't be able to pay another mortgage.
Ahhhh it's so hard why does he have to be such a k**b.

OP, you are going to have to hurt your daughter. It's awful and your position is one we all hope we never find ourselves in but it's the truth. You can't undo what he has chosen to do to his family.

He is a drug abuser. You can't trust a word he says and that's before you deal with the cheating issue.

You can't stay with a man whose first thought on you spending the night away from him wasn't "I'm sad, I miss my wife and kids" but instead "I'm gonna get shitfaced on coke using family cash and shag a few escorts! Yeehaw!".

He's disgusting.

Sit your daughter down and explain that sometimes in life, things happen that suck and we can't control. Daddy has done something very, very bad and he can't be with Mummy anymore.

She is old enough to learn there are consequences to bad actions.

Otherwise you will have to endure years of his habit escalating and playing nice. Your own mental health will suffer and you will waste your own life. Get rid now so you can heal and move on. Don't sacrifice years to save a few tears now.

His good points:-

He has loads he will do anything for us (only when asked though as he is a bit of a child himself and waits to be asked about anything and everything) but would always do it. He works really hard, cooks tea most nights for us both. Never really moans about anything.
The thing is we would get on so well if I ignored the fact that he told little white lies (which are normally he will tell me last minute that he is going out and that he has only just found out about it but I know he has know at least a week earlier or longer)
Looking back now I think he started getting worse about 2-3 years ago, forgetting anything we had planned or anything I had asked him to do and that is probably down to the cocaine. He has given up all of his hobbies, will promise to take the kids somewhere they have asked but never does.
Basically now he goes to work, comes home, kids go to bed, he cooks tea and then goes off to bed himself.

@FANNYBAWS52 I know that's what I should/need to do. Thank you

Please don't stay with him.

My dad was an addict. My mum never left him. And all I remember from my childhood is blazing rows, ambulances because of overdoses and the men knocking at our door asking for their money.

It sounds dramatic but I never really forgave my mum for it. I view her now as quite weak. She said she didn't want to hurt us but me and my siblings all have horrendous mental health and poor relationship with her.

He won't change.

I've also taken coke in my younger days quite regularly with an ex partner.

He never once contacted an escort.

The connection may be relevant to the drug taking, but coke doesn't make you not know what you're doing, it just gives you more confidence. Its not the same as being drunk where you're stumbling around out of it. Coke makes you wired, I think VERY clearly when I take it. I also have the confidence to do things I always wanted to do, but with the confidence to do it.

He's shagging prostitutes. Regardless of why he is. Why would you stay with him?

Exactly - don't blame drugs for searching for and using prostitutes; drugs don't make you use sex workers.

They two separate issues.

He's just confusing them cause it suits him very well to try to blame it on the coke.

She says that I can leave him when she has left school

Why on Earth did your daughter get the idea from that she can dictate whether her parents stay together or not? I get that she’s upset but that seems really odd. It’s far too much responsibility for a child to believe they hold. She’s not got the perspective of adulthood where you understand that sometimes a more painful experience right now is necessary for a better life in the future.

I agree, tell your daughter you can’t make promises about your relationship and that you should never have promised her you wouldn’t split up. And then you can focus on what you want to do with your relationship.

@emeraldrubyshark I think it is more the fact that she is embarrassed to tell her friends. She said that there is only one person in her year (one of her best friends) who's parents are not together and her friend is sad. I don't know though i'm just guessing. My head is just all over the place at the minute. I think i might need to get some help as to how I handle it, with all of them really. We have and 9, 7 and 5 year old.

So you're happy for your husband to shag escorts as long as your kids can stay in a paid school...... Jesus christ get some back bone and fuck him out.

Wow, that’s unusual! When I was at school there were only maybe five parents out of a class of thirty who had parents still together. Where is she getting it from that parents not being together is embarrassing? If you want to talk to her you might want to show her the divorce statistics and explain her school is very much an outlier and remind her that families come in all shapes and sizes. But maybe that’s a bit overwhelming, and the best thing to do would be to just tell her you shouldn’t have made that promise and whatever happens you’ll always take care of her.

No doubt someone will be along to say ‘you shouldn’t have snooped’. I wish people realised many of us snoop because we have the gut feeling all is not well and want to get to the bottom of it. If all is hunky dory then fine, but it so often is not

@myheartbelongstoyou No of course not. I am just trying to get my head around it all and it was the thought of them not only having us separate but having them leave there school friends too as I am pretty sure we will not be able to keep them in school.

@emeraldrubyshark I didn't use the word 'promise' as i knew i couldn't promise her so said 'I wont' instead. I suppose it means the same thing though. My parents were divorced and i have never once said to her that it was a bad thing just that they couldn't live together anymore.

It's probably been said but you should get tested for STI's.
No way did he not go through with 'it'.Sorry but you must protect yourself.
Best wishes.

I'm 100% with

@Sarahjconnor
@Myheartbelongsto
@maras2

He gives absolutely zero fucks....

Scum 🤢