Bedsharing with DH

[TheAlexa]

I have not regulalry shared a bed with my DH in around 18 months due to SPD in pregnancy and sharing a bed with DD. I no longer co-sleep and DH has returned to our bed.

But I hate it.

I can't sleep comfortably at all (please go easy) but he is quite a large man and I am finding that the mattress is not supporting my back and hips as it slopes so much when he shares our bed. I find myself sliding towards him in my sleep and aching. I am using a cushion to prop up my back but find I only need this when he sleeps with me. He has started snoring and breathes extremely loudly through his mouth- I have wondered about sleep apnoea as he never used to do this. He also jerks in his sleep and I am waking startled whilst he remains sleeping calmly next to me.

He is very over weight (I am also over weight but not quite as much) and it is a really sore point for him so not sure I can broach this with him.

But I am feeling fed up and snappy with him and can not continue with the aches in my back and hips from the lack of mattress support. We have a really good, hard solid mattress so I'm not sure replacing it would make much difference.

Would you opt for seperate beds/rooms? I miss my space.

Get a new bed with 2 singles or a huge superking. End of problem.

Something like this might suit you both...www.adjustablebedfactory.com/bed-range/the-lyon/

Zip-link superking + earplugs. Bliss.

I have a super king bed that is two single beds zipped together - no problem with sagging. Snoring is another issue though. I didn't sleep well for 16 years whilst with my ex who is a snorer. So nice these last few years since I've split to be able to sleep well and I'll never share my bed with a snorer again.

Buy a bigger bed. Personally I wouldnt sleep separately, I think sleeping in the same bed is good for intimacy.

I’d say Throw money at the problem - 6ft bed and most expensive mattress you can afford. Or 2 singles

We have had separate rooms for years - it is heaven!

We have plenty of space so it is easy for us to do - I don't like sharing with anyone apart from the cats! I have a sleep disorder so it is very necessary for both our sanity.

We have a Superking zip and link bed each with luxury mattresses with different tensions - but we still rarely ever share. Only when we have a houseful of guests at Christmas and need to use the other rooms. It has not had any negative impact on our relationship and no impact on sex at all.

Sharing a bedroom is a very modern thing, not very far back in history it was only the poor that shared. I was clearly made for older times!

Lots of people sleep separately. Not sure what it does for your sex life though, for me it probably wouldn't help it.

mr why couldn't they 'visit' each other for sex then go back to their own beds ?
op is a bigger bed financially viable though as they cost a lot ?

Why not get two beds in one room put together? I have recently stopped bedsharing with my youngest dc, but dh and I only have a double bed for us. When bedsharing, we have a double and a single pushed together (me and dc in double, dh in single). Ds is no longer in with us, but we still have the double and the single together and have stayed in our respective beds. In part, it's because we're too lazy to take the single apart and figure out where to store it, but I am a light sleeper, so it actually works much better for me and we each have more space that way.

Ikea king size bed plus firm mattress- had to save for two years for it .
Worth the hassle, worth every penny.

We have separate bedrooms. Both sleep well, very happy, regular sex, all good

Lots of people sleep separately.

If you can't raise the weight issue, you can and should the snoring. Tell him this is a new thing and you're noticing it now you're back in the same bed and you are worried about sleep apnea, which can be deadly. The jerking also sounds like this - the sudden gasp for air. He REALLY needs to go to the docs.

If he's open to going to the docs and getting checked out then grand. If he gets funny with you, then you are PERFECTLY within your rights to say - but you are affecting my health too. I can't sleep, which is also going to impact our child - so separate rooms are what it's gonig to have to be. And don't back down on that - do not let the dialogue become 'you must be nice and therefore put up with poor sleep because I won't tackle the problem.' You can't make him tackle the problem... by the same token, he can't make you continue to be woken by snoring.

New bed, nasal strips for him (works well in our house and you can get loads for cheap off amazon) and invest in good quality earplugs. You will still hear the baby so don’t worry about that.

It HAS to be separate bedrooms. If you don't have a spare room, then separate beds and earplugs!

Had separate rooms with DH for a decade or so now. Would never go back, not in a million years. If he died/we split, and I had another relationship with another man (very unlikely!) it would be separate rooms for sure.

Not sure why some people think you don't shag if you have separate bedrooms. People absolutely do!!! It improves the relationship/marriage no end having separate bedrooms, as you no longer have to tolerate his snoring, grunting, farting, jerking about, heavy breathing, and coughing, and generally fucking fidgeting!

Some men don't like it though; it seems to emasculate them somehow! I don't give a fuck who knows me and DH sleep in separate bedrooms, but he doesn't tell a soul. No-one at his workplace, or group of friends knows we sleep apart, and he has given me strict instructions to not tell them.

I don't know whose idea it was for 2 full grown adults to share a 6 foot X 4 foot space to try and sleep in, but I do agree that historically, it was the poor who did it - to keep warm, or lack of space, or both! The rich/middle and upper classes had separate bedrooms. Always did. Still do.

Ooooh, I'm upper clarse!

yeah right!

@TheAlexa if you DO have a separate bedroom. PLEASE move into it and make it your own. There is no shame in it.

My DH and I sleep in different beds and rooms and have since just after our DD was born. Initially as I was not working so that DD did not wake him up, after she slept through the night (3 months), because I prefer sleeping on my own. DH snores and complains if I turn over as I "let the cold air in!". I much prefer sleeping in my own room on my own. Much better nights sleep.

We don't have sex anyway so nothing to concern me in that regard.
We currently sleep in a kind size. I have suggested a super-king but he says "no way" and finances wouldn't stretch to a new bed at present anyway. We are going to decorate our office room very soon and have discussed putting a single bed in there. It might make sense for me to move into that room. He definitely won't go to the doctors about it. He's very stubborn.

It's the heavy breathing through his mouth that I find most annoying tbh. The snoring will stop for periods, but the heavy breathing is constant. He didn't wven breathe this way when he smoked so I don't know why he is breathing so heavily all of a sudden. Infact, I used to be surprised at how little noise he made whilst sleeping... always a fidget but never noisy. He will tell me I'm imagining it though I'm sure!

Separate rooms. Bliss.

If you have a superking - can you have 2 separate 3ft mattresses? I found that this made a significant difference

superking with separate matresses & separate single duvets.
I have not slept this well since my single days!

I have my own bedroom, it's fab! No sign of man at all.

It doesn't affect intamacy, although I don't see how sharing a bed with an overweight snorer when prevents you sleeping helps that

It doesn't affect sex, he's just left with the wet patch.

Seriously a seperate bedroom and a decent night's sleep shouldn't be taboo.

Separate rooms for sleeping. If you're asleep, why should you care if your partner is elsewhere; it's only the person who is being kept awake or made uncomfortable who gets a vote on this, IMO.

Since you’re already in a bigger bed, and he won’t get help, you only have one choice and that is to move into your own room.

Mouth breathing is so much worse than snoring. So so much. Snoring I don’t mind, mouth breathing would send me murderous. (I might have that misophonia though). It wouldn’t be a different room I’d need, I’d be a different house.