Would you end it?

[Oak0987]

Would you end your relationship if you found out your partner dated/slept with someone else shortly after you started going out?

Apparently he met her a week after we started dating, so I was told. I have asked him and he denies it, but I do recall finding his phone bill in the shreader and all other bills either side of us meeting where in is folder. I know this because he asked me to look at his books for his tax return.

Had you declared that you were exclusive to each other ? If not then no.

No, not unless we had agreed we were exclusive. What's the background to it?

The issue isn't the act of sleeping together it's the fact he's lying to you.
It's obviously an issue for you because you've posted on here. Personally I wouldn't have respect for my partner if he did this and wasn't truthful at the start.

Yes I would leave him.

All this 'were you exclusive' stuff is silly. If you're together, you're together. You shouldn't have to ask him to verbally confirm he wasn't still sleeping with anyone else 🙄

A week after you started dating? Were you exclusive? To be honest it was such early days I don't think you should end it.

Maybe a month or three in when you had discussed being exclusive.

@HK2009 1 week after a first date? They are hardly together.

I wouldn't be happy with him sleeping with someone else, whilst we were sleeping together, but that's my preference.

Pedestine00 i agree, its the fact he's been given an opportunity to be honest about it, but the lying has left me feeling I cant trust him to be honest with me.

Like HK2008 i also think this 'exclusive' nonsence is silly. But if he thought it was that we wasnt exclusive at that time, surely he wouldnt feel the need to lie about it, would he.

He says he started seeing OW before we met, but I asked him when we met if he was seeing anyone and he said no. Now he says that he said that because he had already decided they were over. Which i think is another lie, because the calls would have shown on his itemised phone bill before we met.

All this 'were you exclusive' stuff is silly. If you're together, you're together. You shouldn't have to ask him to verbally confirm he wasn't still sleeping with anyone else

Trouble is not everyone thinks like you do. You only have to see some threads on MN to see that some people think that unless you have said you are exclusive, the other person is fine to date other people.

Would I end our relationship. Probably not. We've been together a long time. I wouldn't throw it all away over something that happened years ago.

Why is he lying? Because he knows how much it will hurt you and that you might want to end it and he doesn't want that.

Why did he do it? Because he wasn't in love with you then and didn't realise how important you were going to be to him. He was a twat yes. But sort of not as much of one as if he'd done it now.

Do you have a right to be hurt. Yes. But don't throw everything away unless you are sure that's the right thing to do.

user1474894224 thanks for your constructive answer.

I'm in the same boat. Been together 4 yes though and have a kid now everything is perfect but I just know he was still seeing his ex in the beginning which he's always denied but he was seeing her and I find it hard to believe nothing happened.

I think if you don't talk about exclusive relationship then it's supposed to be okay but if you are anything like me haha you just assume if two people really like each other and hit it off and meeting and talking all the time that there's no one else.

I was really naive to the exclusive chat rule though so I have to just get over it as he will never admit it and what we have now shouldn't be wasted over whatever happened in the beginning because he barely knew me really so didn't owe me anything which is the way I look at it.

He's with you now so dropped that girl when he got to know you better and realised he had feelings for you ect so in all honesty if nothing else has caused doubt I'd leave it.

But dating and being in a relationship are completely different things. So it's not nonsense. You're not committed to someone from date 1, you're just getting to know each other.

If you'd only known each other 3 weeks and had been on 2 dates then I don't see what he's done wrong - but he should have told the truth.

However if you'd been on 10 dates and known each other 6 months i'd have a bit more of a problem with it.

@Nikhedonia I took 'dating' to mean going on regular dates therefore, in theory, being a 'proper couple'

I agree with the above post - people can be less than truthful at first when they’re not committed to or properly in love with somebody, and then later on there’s no good time to ‘confess’ - I think 4 years down the line his reasoning is that telling you would hurt you & it means nothing now so why dredge it up?

Like HK2008 i also think this 'exclusive' nonsence is silly.

so why did you ask for other people's opinions ? You only want the answers that agree with you ?