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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

should i leave my partner because of his mother?

7 replies

KPeter · 04/06/2019 00:02

okay so me and my partner have been together for two years but friends for 6 and his mother wasn't really an issue until I accepted her and her partners offer to move in after an argument with my own mum, since then any issue she had other than speak to me directly she would yell at my partner which in turn would cause him to go into moods and fall out with me,so i tried my hardest to do everything the way she liked it but she'd find something new to fuss over- let me just say that i tidied the whole house constantly it was always disgusting and there was always more to clean each time around, rotten food, takeaway containers even cat faeces- despite this she was always kind to my face and she was constantly asking when we were going to have children, i was never much of a maternal figure but eventually i got pregnant and throughout my pregnancy i began to notice a lot more about potential dangers surrounding his mothers house and his mother herself, she drinks way too much to the point of her soiling herself on two occasions i know of with her young teenage daughter ringing crying begging me and my partner to come home and help her (we ended up staying at my mothers with his younger sister and she came to my mums for tea for a few days after because she didn't want to be alone with her mother) and i spoke to my partner and it turns out she has an alcohol problem that i hadn't noticed before because we were usually out at the times she was drinking, obviously i raised concerns about her drinking around our baby and she agreed she would cut down spoiler she didn't and the more she drank the nastier she got, she admitted to me one night while drunk that she didn't care about me and just wanted my baby. i brought this up to my partner and he didn't believe that she said it until he heard her say it himself at another time, but he said NOTHING. She constantly got involved in every disagreement and took every scan photo i brought home, now my son is 6 weeks old and i wouldn't trade him for the world but in that space, she made my partner go home after i'd given birth but didn't leave herself until 8pm the next day, keeps calling my son by the name she wanted me to give him, constantly posts photos on social media even after i explicitly asked her not to, keeps trying to feed my breastfed baby formula so she can keep him longer against my wishes, whenever she takes a picture of me holding my son she makes sure that i am not in it even after i asked her to take a picture, and most recently she hasn't given my son who doesn't have colic, infacol medication without asking first and she didn't even tell me until after i asked her over 4 hours later because i saw the box next to her when i picked him up and i knew i couldn't trust her to tell me without asking and i got obviously very angry that she had done this, but my partner was just as angry but after me and my son spent the night at my dads, his mother has managed to convince him that infacol isn't a medication and that its no big deal that she gave it to our son, and then continued to slag off our parenting saying that since we didn't go to parenting classes its negatively affecting our son, (yet she cannot see how her drinking impacts her own children) she has been a constant strain on our relationship, but every time he doesn't stand up to her and when it was just her talking sh*t about me i wasn't bothered but now shes potentially putting our child in danger, hes still refusing to stand up to and I can't take it anymore, we moved out and i thought that would break her hold over him but it hasn't, i understand she is his mother but at some point he has to put our son first and if he doesn't soon then I don't know what I'm going to do

extra info me and my partner are 20 his parents are quite young and i will never have anything bad to say about his dad or sisters as they have been the most helpful people in the world

OP posts:
Pieceofpurplesky · 04/06/2019 00:07

You need to get out before she harms your child.

KPeter · 04/06/2019 00:10

Apologies for it being so long, i just wanted to include as much as i could, if anyone knows of any actions i could take to make sure his mother only has supervised visits if we do end up splitting then that would be helpful as i truly believe that she doesn't care about my son and just like the attention of having a grandchild

OP posts:
KPeter · 04/06/2019 00:13

We have moved out of her house but I don't know how to make it clear to my partner that she isn't going to be seeing our son for a while at least and she is definitely not being left alone with him without her getting into his heads an convincing him to let her have him while he rests or something, i'm sorry to say it but i don't trust either of them right now

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 04/06/2019 00:17

I'm relieved you now have a place of your own. The situation should be manageable if you are there when she visits.

Mummaofmytribe · 04/06/2019 00:19

You're the mother. You're under no obligation to let anyone be with your child alone.
You need to get out of that house with your baby pronto. Get a plan in place and leave. It sounds horrible and unsafe.
Once you're safe somewhere else, you get to say who sees your baby.
Personally I wouldn't be letting that woman anywhere near, but if you do, you can make sure you or your partner are present when she sees the baby.

Mummaofmytribe · 04/06/2019 00:21

Just saw update. You left. Good! If she asks to see baby, say yes we can meet you in town for coffee or something. Create as much distance as you can!

Rspu3 · 04/06/2019 09:07

Why was your house such a mess if you cleaned?

You need to create distance, she sounds like an over bearing witch.

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