No sex drive

[ariandthelion]

Hi,
I've been with my partner for 1.5 years. Things moved pretty quickly and we live together.
I'm on a high dose of anti depressants and lots has happened this past year (family death and other stresses).
I have 0 sex drive and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know the reason for it. I mentioned the anti depressants as maybe it could be them?
I don't want to ruin our relationship. I can tell he's getting tired of it.
Please, any experiences or advice you can offer would be great. I'm so so anxious about it.
I'm a woman, by the way.

Please, if anyone can help x

The anti depressants can have this effect. Which ones are you on can you give us the name?

It's duloxetine, I've been on all of them pretty much as have severe depression and ptsd

Yes it could be the antidepressants and it could also be the depression that causes you to need them. You could try asking your GP if you can change your prescription or reduce/come off the drugs altogether. Long term use of high doses of antidepressants is not great under any circumstances and you should aim to come off them if you can. It's a vicious circle - you worry that you have no sex drive and the worry makes it harder for the drive to come back. So try to stop worrying, can you satisfy him in other ways for the time being - this will help stop you worrying about things and also keep your relationship on track.

There you go sexual dysfunction a very common side effect.

Side-effects
Common or very common
Anxiety; appetite decreased; constipation; diarrhoea; dizziness; drowsiness; dry mouth; fall; fatigue; flushing; gastrointestinal discomfort; gastrointestinal disorders; headache; muscle complaints; nausea; pain; palpitations; paraesthesia; sexual dysfunction; skin reactions; sleep disorders; sweat changes; tinnitus; tremor; urinary disorders; vision disorders; vomiting; weight changes; yawning

bnf.nice.org.uk/drug/duloxetine.html#sideEffects

I had the same thing with SSRI`s. Show the article to your OH.

The last time I tried to come off them I just plummeted, quite scarily, I'm now terrified to try to wean back off them.
He's getting so tired of me and just seems pissed off all the time, he won't communicate with me, and I do feel pressure. It's awful to admit but I do just have sex with him so I can take the pressure off for a couple of days. And he's not doing it intentionally I don't think but I'm very aware that he's tired of this.
We're only young as well, late 20s, so it feels like he's wasting his time with me, not having much sex, etc etc.
Do you know if there's anything else I could do apart from coming off the anti depressants ☹️

Is he otherwise a good partner? I can understand that it may be frustrating for him, but it's not much fun for you either. He shouldn't make you feel bad, that's not what healthy relationships look like. I think you need to have a heartfelt conversation, perhaps he doesn't realise how you're feeling

He is, he tries, he can be pretty 'tunnel vision' and is so stubborn, he's a shit communicator but aside from that, he's lovely and looks after me. I tried to talk to him about it and he said he just figured I'd gone off him, if I felt like that I would have said something. I've told him before about the anti depressants and sex drive but he doesn't seem to believe me because he always makes out like I haven't told him that.

I had 0 sex drive when on sertraline, but..... your priority right now isn't sex, it's looking after yourself and getting better, you have to absolutely put yourself first, and if matey boy doesn't want to support you in that, well then maybe he's not the right guy in the first place?
Please speak to someone about the ptsd and issues because although meds give relief, it's short term, you really need to work on issues before u can think about weaning off. Took me 3/4 months to wean off, i did it so super slowly and was okay, but even after i had to exercise a lot of self preservation.
This is all about u hun, sex is not ur priority right now xxxxx

Thank you, I know it shouldn't be my priority but I feel like it's ruining our relationship, he won't talk to me about it though. Ultimately I don't believe he'd leave me, because he knows I'm struggling, but I 100% don't want him to stay with me because he feels bad! But he wouldn't make that decision and it makes me feel like I'm ruining everything for him, he also said he's bored and finds it hard when I can't do much. I wish he would make the decision to leave if that's what he wants instead of being unhappy and staying with me.

I just don't know what to do. He's tired of it all. But he won't say anything

You both go to the GP together and discuss this lack of sex drive together. If he will not research the side effects himself. Put it all in an e-mail and send it to him. If he will not even discuss the fact that it is the pills and not him, I would be pretty fed up with that attitude to be honest he is being childish.

Duoloxetine is Really difficult to come off slowly. Did your psychiatrisy (assuming that's who prescribed it) advise you about how to come off it? Often it's recommended to have something like Prozac as a buffer.

It is possible to have a sex drive on duoloxetine but everyone will be affected differently.

In terms of your boyfriend - it's a bit of concern that he's being both uncommunicative and shitty with you about this. It doesn't bode well for him wanting to work through issues with you. How has he been in relation to your mental health more generally?

Bite the bullet and leave him. You both sound miserable.

My sex drive was zilch when I was on several anti depressants and lithium for bipolar. I eventually got off of them though so I can't give any advice :(

Now if my sex drive is plummeting I know that exercise helps (I know it's an ANNOYING answer) but I think it's the endorphins and confidence boost that helps.
I hope it works, sorry you guys are suffering. Are there any stresses in your life that you could rid off - anything you can afford to remove from your life?

I tried last night, I want him to be happy; I said he seemed distant and he said I'm the distant one; there was lots more to the conversation. But when I said he's unhappy and it's me who's doing that to him, so I will leave, he said I can't, he doesn't want me to go, I'm crushing him if I do it. He said he loves me and wants to work on it with me. But how can i make this better? I don't know