Has anyone completely started over after divorce? My whole being needs a revamp in every area of my life! Any suggestions or stories would be appreciated :)

[Leapoffaith00]

Do you ever feel you are fighting to keep a home you can't afford, a job you dislike, friends who you question are friends, and always fighting to stop yourself eating the whole bloody cake! To top it off talk to yourself because you have no adult conversation after 5pm. I am actually mentally exhausted and I am thinking I need a complete revamp of ME! I don't actually know who ME is!!
Im a single parent to 2 dd's. Seperated 3 years ago and ex doesn't help with dd's emotionally or physically (he pays cm). For the past 3 years I have been juggling different jobs to keep afloat. Juggled childcare and out of school activities. Managed to jump 101 bumps along the way. Just focussing on moving forward.
I'm selling the home and me and my dd's are moving into my mums (2 bed property that she doesn't live in). That's one decision made to ease the fight. Its only temporary until I can sort things finacially.
I have no clue how to ease the rest. I know life can be a struggle sometimes but I have recently been thinking. Where the hell am I going?! Am I actually living?!
I have put on weight but I don't have the confidence to go to a gym. I feel totally disconnected from my friends (I think they're friends, I don't even know), even when I'm with them. I dislike my job, its mentally draining plus the hours are a nightmare with childcare. I don't date, I can't remember what it's even like to be close to anyone with the slightest bit of intimacy.
I was in the supermarket today and I realised my cardigan was inside out. After a shameful quick switch I actually had a moment of thinking that maybe I am just losing me. It sounds silly but, I can't even remember putting it on. Makeup isn't everything, but I hardly put any on anymore, I haven't been clothes shopping in yonks, I'm not that nice to myself lately.
Something or things have to change but I don't know how. How do you give yourself a life makeover?

How old are your kids? I started my revamp by joining a gym. One where they do loads of kids stuff/lessons. Then I hired a PT to train me once a week while they did their kids club on a Saturday morning. It got me started and then I started healthy eating and junked all the junk. Then in the eve when kids in bed rather than netflix, I did 7 minute Hiit workouts and planks etc for half hour. It was a slow progress but 6 months later I feel and look much better.

Sorry you're having a tough time 💐. Not sure I will be much help but didn't want to not reply. Hopefully some more experienced mners will be along soon.

I think that all of the things you are talking about are so closely linked together it can feel like a massive job to change it all at once. I would pick one thing and really focus on that - so look to change your job, or find a new hobby. Critically for me though all of that was tied in with how I felt about myself. I was really overweight when my marriage ended but lost a lot going through the divorce. I still have a bit to go but it has made me feel so much better about myself that now I make the effort to put on make up and do my hair etc. I can see that if I wanted to change jobs or start a new hobby this would put me in a good place to feel confident enough to do it. But that is just me - am certainly not saying you need to lose weight to overhaul your life.

But also be kind to yourself - things won't stay as they are for ever regardless of what you do. Children grow and the structure of family life changes. Work out what makes you happy and what you need to change first to achieve that.

Oh and have you heard the story about Rhianna the popstar. She never stands still apparently. If she’s in an elevator or waiting in a Q she does squats. So wear fitness wear all day long/when you can and don’t stand when you can squat and chuck in a few push ups/30 second planks whenever you have a spare minute. After a few months, all of that will make a difference. Plus no bread. At all. Switch to porridge for breakfast, wraps instead of a sandwich and chicken breast with loads of veggies for tea. Pecan nuts and raisins for snack and eat something (nuts, protein bar every 2-3 hours) not eating is the worst. Puts your body into starvation mode. You need to kickstart your metabolism and keep it going all day.

Do you know what you like and enjoy doing?

I'm in a different life stage as kids are adult but I'm wondering the same thing - I applied for a job 200 miles away where I know I can buy a lovely cottage with the equity share from my house (about £200k) I know just one person up there but I could reinvent myself! Haven't heard back on the job yet.

Placemarking for ideas. You are not alone OP. I don't have small DC, but lots of similar cardigan moments and I woek, but I now find myself slowing down and not wanting to work. Meanwhile the cost of living seems to have rocketed.

youorme - they're 14 and 11. Not so little but obviously not independent enough for me to leave them too long. You did great, with great motivation. Can you send me some please?! I have been contemplating the gym but just can't bring myself to find the confidence. It's silly really.
BlindTipsy - your post was very helpful, I appreciate your time. Well done on the weight loss, it's tough going. I am currently in the process of selling the house and taking a passive change and also career wise. So I can't really help it all happening at one. I do feel my weight gain and lack of movement (and adult conversation) isn't helping. Just in a bit of a mental rut. I know my confidence would grow, why can't I kick start that, frustrating.
chestylarue52 - the sad thing is I don't. I can't remember the last time I felt happy. I feel so selfish saying that. I love spending time with my dd's and seeing them happy.

stucknoue - wow! That is a huge change, well done. I hope it works out for you. I crave that change. I need to stay close for my dd's to go to school. My mum lives in the next town so I feel it's a start of moving on....eventually into a home of our own. There are so many memories here in the town I live in. I don't venture far because of it.
DianaT1969 - it's difficult sometimes. Nice to share and chat here? I have had moments in the past but today felt so different. It was events leading up to it. You know when you just feel lost!
Thankyou all so much.

I went to the art shop and got myself paints and a paintbrush and started to paint something, even something small, every single day.

I started a journal and whenever I felt shit and empty, I wrote until I felt better.

I switched off all caring regarding my job. I decided if they had to fire me, so be it but it would take such a long time that fuck it, I'd put that on the back burner until I felt better and let the chips fall where they may (I am a chronic over achiever so it turned out I just learned I really didn't need to work nearly as hard as I had been)

I stopped doing things that didn't make me feel better
I started doing one thing every day that made me feel better.

I'm a different person now.

Do you know what you like and enjoy doing? this is an incredibly important question. If you don't know the answer right away, take some time to work this one out. You need a list of activities on the fridge to redirect yourself to every time you want to lie in front of telly feeling miserable x

rvby good idea! I have started journaling too. I get lots of inspiration on Instagram. Can't stand Facebook. I do need to find something I enjoy. The years have felt like mountains with very little time to even think about much else other than surviving.

@rvby Completey agree with the job thing! Have had a shocking year (although getting better now) and decided work would have to either take what I could offer or I would have to get myself signed off. So have scraped by the year doing probably half what I would normally do and... no one has hardly even noticed! Managers still tell me how good I am at my job etc. A real eye opener.

I was on your other thread op. I’m glad you’ve decided to move in to your mums place, that will relieve some of the stress. I don’t know if this is helpful, but I’ve found when I’ve been on the back foot it’s best to take things in bite size chunks. If everything feels wrong it can be overwhelming to try to deal with it all at once, so I would pick one area to try and affect a change to begin with. I agree with the pp though about thinking about what you enjoy and like doing. I think it’s good to have long term dreams, for example where you might live or traveling you might do when things are easier. Hopefully this move to your mums will relieve some financial and emotional stress and leave you better able to focus energy on yourself.

Start running and take your girls with you? Mine are younger than yours, I put them in the park and run round it til I've done 5k. Some laps they run with me! Running gives a good high afterwards.
Climbing is also loads of fun and there is a bit of a "scene" at the climbing walls - lots of gorgeous muscly men and cool young people. Bet your dds would love that and you might even meet someone!
One day you'll laugh at the cardigan moment and remember it fondly as a stepping stone to change.

Didiusfalco thankyou for stopping by again, appreciate that. Yes, it feels like the right thing to do at this time. I'm trying to trust the process. Yes, you're right! I do need to narrow things down. I think the house sale and work are things that are taking over my mind right now, do need to maybe concentrate on them. Hopefully in time I will find a purpose for me.
Mycatatetherat that is a great you do that. Wouldn't have even thought about it. I have asked them and they won't come with me. It's not even running, it's walking. It's a battle trying to encourage them. I could go alone for half hour. I need that motivation. I might ask them again. I wouldn't have thought about climbing either. Thankyou.