I can't get over my partner being friends with a former FWB

[Popcorn08]

I know that I am being unreasonable. I know it is understandable to feel this way, and that many others would feel the same as me.

I know that the only option I have is to accept it and move on, but I am struggling with it so much.

I am in a new relationship (same sex, and only 4 months of being together). I am really struggling because my girlfriend has a good friend of 5 or 6 years, and last year, they were "friends with benefits". Although it was more my girlfriend chasing this girl and being really into her, and the girl playing hot and cold.

We got together in January, and the last time she had slept with this girl was December. They still see eachother as they are good friends, have the same friendship group ect, and meet up 1-1.

I know the logical side of me says that everyone has a past, and if she still wanted to chase her then she would be. But the other side of me says, them sleeping together is so recent, and it was my girlfriend who was chasing her, not the other way around. Nothing happened because the other girl didn't care as much.

I hate the thought of them meeting up 1-1. It makes me feel sick. How could that sexual energy that was there a few months ago just now be gone?

I spoke to my girlfriend about it yesterday, and she tried to reassure me, but I just didn't hear what I needed I guess to let it go. I feel like she only moved on from her because she couldn't have her, not because she genuinely didn't want her. I know I am just being a jealous idiot, but I need somewhere to vent my feelings.

I honestly don't know if I can get past it.

But the other side of me says, them sleeping together is so recent
You mean YOU chose to be with someone who had recently been shagging someone else?
You could have taken things more slowly and then it wouldn't have been 'recent'.

She can be friends with her because they were friends before the sex....and the clue is in the description - friends with benefits.
She now chooses to be friends only and does not want the 'benefits' part.

You don't sound matched in the emotional maturity department.
You've got issues that only you are responsible for dealing with.
So, if you can't understand or get over this then it's probably best that you end things instead of trying to manipulate her into dropping her friendship.

By the way, as we're 6 months into the year now so the sex they had is no longer 'recent' and you've had enough time to assess whether your gf is trustworthy or not.

I know but it isn't that easy...

If you can't get over it, then you need to do both of you a favour and end things.

Either you can trust your gf, or you can't.

@Popcorn08 I think how you are feeling is totally normal! You're only human.

If your relationship is happy, loving and trusting, then I think you need to do your very best to get over her past (and I think you will over time). Could you join them when they meet up? Become friends with the other woman!m? It might make you feel less insecure and you can see there is no longer any sexual tension.

Alternatively, if you think you can't move on, and it is too difficult, you're better to end it sooner rather than later. This will then save you and your gf months of misery.

At least your girlfriend has been honest with you. It's down to you to decide if you can cope with it or not.

I've been in a similar situation except I was told his friend was an ex. My gut was screaming at me there was more to it. I found out a year later after being told for so long that I was being paranoid. But you do know and you can work with that to decide what you can handle. Go with your gut. ❤

If it helps I have an ex FWB who I’m incredibly close to. We were friends before we started sleeping together. It ended when I met someone and had a relationship (although that’s ended now). My ex FWB is still one of my best friends platonically and I don’t have any sexual feelings for him any more. I’d be happy if he met someone, he was happy for me when I did. It’s a mature friendship that I value a lot. He knows me better than most people but it’s not romantic, never really was. She’s honest with you about it. You either trust her or you don’t but it’s your issue, not hers.